I have a little job keeping a four-year-old girl several days a week while both her parents work. She’s adorable and reminds me so much of my Oldest when she was that age! She’s a joy for our whole family.

Sometimes they ask for help on the weekends. Mom works part-time retail, and sometimes Dad needs to work on Saturday’s, too. So today, Little Princess spent the day with us. (Little Princess calls all females princesses and all males princes. I love when she says, “Mrs. Ame, you’re a Princess!”)

Little Princess is sick. She has pink eye in both eyes, and hand, foot, mouth virus. The doc has her taking Benedryl for the hand, foot, mouth virus, so she’s extra groggy. I told her parents I’m happy to care for her when she’s sick as long as it’s not tummy-related … (I only do tummy-things for my own girls because I have to, and even then, my dear Husband usually takes over because I totally freak out.) The Benedryl takes the pain away, too, so her mouth doesn’t hurt, and she can eat and drink.

The money for this little job is a huge blessing. The parents have a similar parenting philosophy as I, and she blends right into our family. I love this Little Princess. As I held her and sat with her a good while today, making sure she was breathing okay while sleeping, I was thankful … thankful I have been able to be the one to care for my girls when they are sick and not a baby sitter … and thankful that this Little Princess has someone like me.

I love being a Momma. It has certainly stretched me in ways I never knew existed, but all for good, and all beautiful. Tonight my Oldest is at her 8th grade formal. Sheesh! My Little Princess is wearing a formal at an 8th grade dance … and she’d roll her eyes (most of the time) if I called her My Little Princess these days.

And I’m thankful I’ve been able to be home or work-from-home all these years to be there for my girls. At 12 and 14, they need me at home just as much as ever.

Mother’s Day is a mixed day for me. I do not have all those warm, fuzzy feelings or memories with my mother. There’s a picture I found a few years back where I was sitting on my mother’s lap when I was about one year’s old, and I was startled that I wasn’t trying to get away from her. It was disconcerting that there was a time I was comfortable sitting on her lap. She did the pick-and-choose method of being there for me growing up, and less and less as the years went by. There are things about my mother for which I am thankful, but it is difficult for me to be thankful for my mother.

However, I am very grateful that I am a Momma. My girls know I’m there for them. They know I’ve got their back, and their front, and their head and their feet, too. They love me the way I always longed to be able to love my own mother … and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I’ve seen a theme, or philosophy, stating that we should love homosexuals and accept their choices because loving them is more important than condemning them. There’s also the theme, or philosophy, that if one disagrees with the homosexual lifestyle, then they are bigots and mean and critical and therefore not Christ-like, because Jesus loves everybody, and because the greatest commandment is to love your neighbor, and because not agreeing with their behavior is not loving them.

Ummm …….

I think there’s a huge misunderstanding between love and acceptance. Love does not equal acceptance or condoning of a behavior. Actually, love demands boundaries. It is not loving to allow children to eat all the sweets they want – it is not healthy, and it will make them sick. It is not love to allow children to run into a street with cars to get their ball. It is not love to allow a 13 year old girl to have sex with her boyfriend because she wants to. It is not love to condone adultery. And it is not love to say that it is okay to be homosexual and live a homosexual lifestyle. It is not okay. One may choose to do so, but their choice does not make it okay.

I know a single mom who has chosen to be homosexual. She has three teenage children – two boys and one girl. Her pastors and church and Christian friends all presented her with the Truth of the Bible. She is a Christian. She was very active in her church and youth group. She read and considered all the teachings and wisdom and scriptures. Then she chose to continue her homosexual relationship (that “just happened), come out of the closet, and call those who oppose her choice bigots. She complained that she lost a lot of friends over her choice because her Christian friends would not support her. It would not be loving for me to tell her it’s okay to choose a lifestyle God has so vividly spoken against. Can I love her? Most certainly, and I should. But loving her does not mean condoning her choice. It does not even mean supporting her choice.

When we allow anything under the guise of love, Christians do not simply hurt the world, but they do God a huge injustice. We don’t have to be hateful; in fact, we shouldn’t be hateful. But we can be firm; and we should be firm.

Sure, you have the freedom to choose homosexuality, but I cannot, under the guise of love, tell you that it’s okay for you to do so. It is not okay. It is clearly against what God has stated in scripture. And there will be consequences you will not like for making such a blatant choice to sin. Oh, and yes, it is sin. It would not be loving of me to call it something that it is not. I shouldn’t be mean to you while I tell you the truth, but I cannot lie, either.

The truth is that God states homosexuality is wrong. The truth is that it is therefore a sin, and that there will be negative consequences for choosing sin. And although all sin is sin, the consequences of sin are not equal. Blatantly choosing to disobey God will, I would guess, assume its own set of consequences. I don’t want to find out. I do know that when my children know what to do and blatantly and defiantly choose not to, it’s like spitting in my face … and they know Momma’s a comin, and they aren’t gonna like it. Nor should they.

Choose Truth. Only in Truth can there be love.

My husband and I have been talking lately about work-related situations we’ve heard about at various places of business. As I hear about what employees are doing and not doing, I keep saying, “That’s parenting!”

When an employee needs to be told to do their job, to get along with their co-workers and other business relationships, to show up on time, to not play while they’re working, to stop whining, not to back-talk your boss, that’s no different than what I do as a mom with my kids … my children! Hello???!!!

Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:22-24

God actually has some strong words to say about our work. We’re not going to be at the top of our game every moment of every day, but we can do the best we can do at that moment on any given day. And, as a mom of two hormonal teenage girls … why anyone would tolerate whining at work is beyond me.

My ex would often say, “I’m not asking you to do anything special or extra, I’m just asking you to do your job.” I agree with him there. And if one is a Christian they should take it to a higher level … as Christians we are called to, “work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, …”

Work is not going to be easy – God promised us that after the fall. These are hard economic times, and jobs are hard to come by. We do not need to be abused, but there is a lot we can put up with in a way that honors God, remembering that all that we do is for Him and to honor Him.

In my last office job before having children years ago, there was so much bickering and whining and gossiping. I got so sick of it and finally told everyone that if I didn’t need to know it to do my job, don’t tell me. It took a few reminders, but they finally shut up around me. Yes, there will always be conflicts to work through … but work through them to the best of your ability and move on.

The Bible doesn’t say we must be at peace with everyone, rather it says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you.” It won’t always be possible, and when it’s not, leave it alone. God is much more creative and better equipped to handle these things than we ever will be.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil.

Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.

If it is possible,

as far as it depends on you,

live at peace with everyone.

Do not take revenge, my dear friends,

but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written:

“It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord.

Romans 12:17-19

To my girls, he’s their Daddy! They love and adore their Daddy and look forward to their time with him. To be honest, the three of them had to work that ‘peaceful place’ out over time, and it did take some time. But they’ve found it, and they need him. Why? Because kids NEED their Daddy’s.

To me, he’s my ex-husband.

I have not been the perfect anything ever, but I have tried. I have failed, but then I have picked myself up and reset my buttons and moved forward. That encompasses being a friend, a sister, a daughter, to being a wife to my first husband, to being a Mommy to my girls, to being an ex-wife, to being a Single Mom, to being a wife to my new husband, and to being a Step Mom. I say, “I’m sorry,” often. I work hard not to make the same mistakes twice. And I work hard to move forward, becoming better at all of it.

It has always been very important to me that my girls have a great relationship with their dad. I encourage that. I uplift their dad around them. I try to teach my girls to honor their father.

One day, years ago, my girls and I were talking about their daddy. We talked about what a great daddy he was. And one of my girls replied without missing a beat, “If Daddy is so great, then why are you divorced?” I’m a pretty prepared mom, but I was caught off-guard by that one.

There’s another facet to this divorce thing in situations like mine … that’s the role of adults, ones I know now, and ones who were around then and know the facts first-hand, who watched me go through hell, who held my hand and prayed me through. All these adults also must be respectful of my girls’ dad around them. And anyone who has ever been close to something like this knows how very difficult that is.

Along the lines of the discussion we’ve had out here recently … how to handle situations of divorce within the church … and the complexities of such when children are involved … another challenging aspect is how to treat the other parent when you see them in public, especially when they are with one of their children or when one of their children is present.

Here are some things to think about:

Remember … that parent is still that child’s parent. Respect the child enough to remember this truth in how you relate to both of them in public.

Remember … that child needs their parent. Regardless of what that parent has done, their child still needs and wants them.

Remember … though there are bad things, there are also good things about that parent. Search deep and wide if you must, but find those good things. “You have your Daddy’s eyes.” “You have your Momma’s smile.” “Your Daddy always gives to Angel Tree at Christmas, too.” “Your Momma makes the best chocolate cake!” There is still something of good in that parent for their child to hold onto – give it to them. Give the child the good in their parent.

Remember … respect the role of that parent even if you cannot respect the parent, and do so by treating them with respect, especially around their children.

Remember … do not add fuel to the fire of gossip about the other parent. You may listen if the parent you know or the children need to talk, but just be a sponge that absorbs and never leaks out except to God (with the exception of abuse; that should be a given). You are talking about a child’s parent. Regardless of what they have done, they are that child’s parent. Do not risk their child over-hearing you, and do not risk anyone repeating what you have said in a way that will get back to their child.

Remember … Protecting the children (except in cases of abuse) does not mean taking them away from their parent. Period. For better or worse, good, bad, and ugly, kids need their own parents.

Remember … if there is a remarriage on either side, the First Rule of Step-Parenting is that the Step Parent is NOT the Parent. Do not go around saying, especially to the child, “Your step parent can now take the place of your real parent [when they're not around ... when they're acting like an a$$ ... when anything].” That is a terrible thing for a kid to hear. The step parent is another adult role in that child’s life, but they are not the parent. Do not make the kid choose by telling them the step parent can take the place of the real parent. That’s cruel.

Remember … if you don’t know what to say, keep your mouth shut and smile. Check your attitude. You will very likely forget that encounter, but I assure you, the child will not.

Regardless of whether or not it looks the way you think it should, protect the child, and protect their relationship with both their parents. Children need their parents. Don’t be instigative in ripping that relationship apart.

Be the adult.

Protect the child.

Amir’s post, Giving Immorality a Free Pass, raises some questions about how to relate to people who have chosen similar paths as the years go on. Something simple gets complex with time and circumstance.

For (a real) example, husband of Couple A and wife of Couple B have an affair, get caught, divorce their spouses, and get married. They have seven children between them – 3 in one family and 4 in the other. These two couples were best friends and actively involved in the same church. In fact, both the husband and wife of Couple B grew up in this church, and their parents and families are still members, including siblings who are also now married and have/having children of their own.

You have a child who is friends with one of the 7. Do you allow your child to continue playing with the child of the adulterous couple? The wife of couple A remarried a few years later and moved to a neighboring town 30 minutes away, so if you child is to play with one of her children, and you do not want to see the adulterous couple, you now have to drive into the city with traffic for your kids to see each other and play together.

Adulterous couple moves from original church to a church (from a First Baptist Church to a FBC, if it matters any) in a neighboring town and becomes actively involved. As a matter of fact, adulterer husband is even teaching adult Sunday School with the blessing of the church! The two towns are inter-mixed enough that people in the new church know what happened.

Not once did the adulterous couple repent. During the affair and the discovery, they were approached by many who advised them to break it off. They chose not to and went through with it. The offended husband spiraled, remarried once on the rebound, divorced again, and is still unbalanced and lost in space.  Both he and the offended wife had caught the adulterous couple in the buff in each other’s houses. The offended wife became a breath short of an alcoholic, remarried, and had another child with new husband (who didn’t have any children of his own).

Now it’s been probably 12 or so years. People have come and gone. The kids are all grown up and all but one graduated from High School. There’s a grandbaby or two mixed in there.

So you’re new to the community, join their church, and even join their Sunday School class. It doesn’t take long to figure out they’re a blended family, but the truth of what they did is a blur. What do you do?

Now your son is dating one of their daughter’s, and they are serious and talking marriage. You will be related to this twisted family … the Adulterous couple will become your son’s in-laws. How do you advise your son about his fiance’s parents and their choices and his future relationship with them?

You are working in the children’s area of the church, and you and she are asked to share a teaching role in one of the graded classes. What do you do?