I did not exactly grow up in this kind of home in that there was little spiritual content when i was young – up to nine years old. However the home I grew up in was ruled by fear and abuse.
But, I married into this kind of home and lived there for twenty years. My heart broke when I read this … this is me.
HT: Charles
I have learned in my marriage to my wonderful new husband, that is is natural for a healthy man to act in healthy ways. This may sound like an odd statement, but having grown up with an abusive, addicted father and having been married to an abusive, addicted man for 20 years, I didn’t know what ‘healthy’ would look like.
I am not only leaning what ‘healthy’ looks like, but I am also discovering that this is his ‘normal.’ He does not have to go out of his element to be this way; he is this way.
“Healthy” defined as a man (woman) who owns his (her) own stuff, takes responsibility for what is his (hers), sees himself (herself) as he (she) is, is willing and desires to develop intimacy spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically (and not keep spouse at distance to conceal addiction). Certainly not perfect … but perfectly IMperfect.
VERY cool!
So, this recent interview . . .
First, there are a good many critiques of the on-going reflection on the Katrina disaster. One specific one that I heard recently was a local radio talk show host that used to live in Florida. She pointed out that Andrew and some other disastrous hurricanes was also equally devastating, but that state and local authorities did their jobs and recovery happened as quick as it could.
Another point she made was that Louisiana politicians diverted money meant for the levy to other things.
Facts:
(1) The federal authorities responded within the first week of Katrina.
(2) The federal government responded 50 days after the oil spill.
(3) The federal government did not stop the well. BP did.
In other parts of the interview . . .
The economy
(1) The economy is growing? From what?
(2) “Continue building momentum” What momentum?
(3) There is campaigning on both sides of the aisle, Mr. President.
The mosque
(1) Stick to the facts, not ideologies. Talk about property rights and international policy. Not some pie-in-the-sky idea about freedom and tolerance.
Obama’s birth and faith
(1) I wonder if he’ll change his tune if he doesn’t get re-elected in 2012.
(2) “The facts are the facts“: What are the facts, Mr. President?
Glenn Beck’s rally
(1) “It’s important for us to recognize that right now the country is going through a very difficult time as a consequence of years of neglect. . .” : Well, I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion, Mr. President. However, the Freedom Rally was not ranting about “years of neglect”. It was meant to be a backlash against all that your administration stands for.
The need to forgive is often something given to us; rarely is it something we choose. Someone else does something that hurts us, and we are then left with the burden of needing to choose to forgive them. It is truly one of those areas of life when one realizes the truth: Life is NOT Fair.
I have spent much of my life working through forgiveness. It took me ten years to forgive my mother, but WOW! The freedom was amazing when I finally got there.
Forgiving the Unforgivable by Dr. David Stoop is an EXCELLENT book on forgiveness. It is simple yet powerful.
A few Truths about Forgiveness:
~ The depth of the offense determines the length of time needed to forgive.
~ Forgiveness has nothing to do with Trust.
~ Forgiveness is giving up your right to get even.
~ Forgiveness is a process.
This is my comment in response to Amir’s post.
To preface my comment, I will share that I have experienced this from a woman’s pov as my ex was serially unfaithful in our marriage. I also, to some extent, understand from a man’s pov b/c my husband’s first wife left him for another man.
***
reminds me of Kramer vs. Kramer. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kramer_vs._Kramer
the truth about life is that much of it is boring … routine … just, life. there are highs and lows, but most of life is just life. women who buy into the lie that routine and boring are abnormal and that they deserve better destroy many lives in their quest for what doesn’t exist. then they turn around and speak ill of all those left in their trail b/c people should just “get over it and move on” … when their wife dumps them for another man … or when their momma leaves them … or when momma leaves their dad and takes them along … or when wife/momma lets another man steal her and her kids from her husband/dad.
people who do such things think that we should all just forgive them as though someone just knocked our ice cream cone on the floor and pick ourselves up and move on like it’s no big deal. somewhere in there they know that God forgives them, but they don’t get the consequences and responsibility of their careless and reckless choices. these people think it’s all just about them and not really about anyone else.
these people also focus on everyone else’s weaknesses, cause we’ve all got ‘em, and never acknowledge their own. no marriage is perfect. no husband or wife is perfect.
the reality is that they never did face reality in the marriage, so they rarely face the reality after they destroy the marriage and all the lives involved. the consequences of these choices are LIFE-LONG and out-live the one making them. but this is a reality they refuse to accept or face.
truly, there are not enough adjectives, in any language, to describe the evil, slimey, scum that slither on the face of this earth.
I’m continually amazed at how it pays off to work at the small things in life . . .
We’re in the midst of a road trip season. Two down, two to go in the next five weeks.
We were able to go to a two car household this past weekend. (And on Day one, it’s already coming in mighty handy!) Getting back home was a mild adventure. If Amir lost visual of me for more than two minutes, he was calling . . .
“Where are you?”
“About .2 miles behind you . . . I can see you . . .”
There was also a couple of opportunities to lose our tempers. Like when I didn’t hear my cell phone ring after Amir tried calling multiple times.
Somehow, we kept our wits about us and never raised our voices.
In the midst of everything, I had this super-natural reassurance that everything is going to turn out alright.
God is faithful. He does not lead us into temptation. Ultimately, He delivers us from evil.
The reason for writing this post was out of a bit of surprise at how prevalent this is, and yet men are the ones most often portrayed as the “bad” guys … which is a bit surprising given the reality that wives leaving their husbands is not only current, it is also not new.
My family and I went back to the small, county town my Husband grew up in this past weekend and stayed with a life-long friend he hasn’t seen in a looong time. As we sat around Friday night catching up, I was shocked, SHOCKED, at how many of the failed marriages they talked about were due to the wife leaving for another man. Actually, every single one of the numerous failed marriages was due to the wife leaving for another man ~ including my Husband’s first wife, and his friend’s first wife.
The image that women are innocent and men are ravaging wolves saturated with filthy lust and roaming eyes for a better woman than the one they’ve got is wrong. Some women are innocent. Some men are ravaging wolves. But little is mentioned in the church (or in my exposure in the church) about the fidelity (or lack thereof) of wives.
I’m still in shock at the revelations of this past weekend.
A wife/mother posted this … The Dad Life …the few comments listed have wives loving it and husband’s/dad’s not.
this is why a long-time acquaintance of Amir’s noted the other day that he is aging well.
(HT: Vox Day)
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