Every college-age gal–and every female college grad–needs to read this.
Archive for Family
Charles/SXM recommended that to me. I purchased the Kindle version–cost me about 3 bucks. It is an excellent alternative to Fireproof.
This is definitely worth a look.
From the things I’ve read, it seems that infidelity rates between the sexes are relatively close until age 45, after which the women tend to cheat less and the men cheat at about the same rate as before.
Someone once asked me why that would be the case? I summed it up in 4 words:
I was reading this article at Fox News, regarding monogamy and infidelity. I must admit, in spite of my own cynicism, that I found the infidelity rates surprising at first glance.
OTOH, there are some caveats:
(1) Only 56% of the couples surveyed were married. Are we really sure that this is a good benchmark against which to measure infidelity?
(2) Still, I did find the following statement somewhat surprising:
In fact, married survey participants had significantly more negative attitudes toward monogamy than participants who were seriously dating one person. Is a growing disenchantment with monogamy inevitable?
It would be interesting to see how conservative evangelicals would respond to this. While–at just south of three years of marriage–my attitude would be quite positive, I’ll admit: I’m a newbie.
At the same time, the Biblical view of marriage has shaped my whole approach to it, as well as MrsLarijani’s. While married life has hardly been a cakewalk, I can honestly say it’s been pretty darn good. I’ve enjoyed it more than single life, and not simply on account of the marriage bed (although I have no complaints about that!)
But if I were a single and reading that article, it would not be particularly encouraging. If I’m single–and see that kind of rampant infidelity and general disenchantment toward marriage and monogamy–then why get married?
On balance, this is marginal incentive for singles not to marry.
Schlafly–who nearly single-handedly nixed the so-called “Equal Rights Amendment”–has a priceless take on government and the “domestic violence” industry.
If this is the marital landscape in America, then there is–ceteris paribus–no marginal advantage to getting married today.
HT: Vox Day/Alpha Game
I found this article interesting.
Doctors have long known that men live longer if they consistently have sex into old age, but knocking boots only provides a health boost if it occurs with the same partner in a familiar place. Sex into old age only helps if you’re doing it with your spouse. Sudden coital death occurs most frequently when a man engages in coitus with a woman who is not his long-term partner.
The results of it were a little surprising. I’ll let Vox’s words speak for themselves and leave it to the reader to draw his or her own conclusions.
There were 232 male and 59 female responses that were usable. I had to throw out a few that didn’t provide meaningful responses, such as those that answered “N” for a question concerning which the possible answers ranged from A to E. I also omitted the responses of a few polyamorous snowflakes; since the objective is to examine normal human fidelity the behavior of those who define the concept differently is of neither interest nor use.
32% never married. 8% reported their own marital infidelity, 14% reported marital infidelity on their husband or ex-husband’s part. 31% of all women, married and unmarried, reported cheating on one or more pre-marital boyfriends. Of those who were unfaithful in marriage, 100% cheated on other boyfriends who were not their eventual husbands.
Female sexual infidelity rose considerably with increased sexual experience. None of the married women with 1-3 partners reported cheating, 20% with 4-9 partners did, as did 43% of women with 10+ partners. (There was an insufficient number of married women in category E, reporting 20+ partners, to be meaningful, so I included them with category D here.) There was no discernible pattern relating female sexual experience to male infidelity.
24% never married. 15% reported their own marital infidelity, 24% reported marital infidelity on their wife or ex-wife’s part. 28% of all men, married and unmarried, reported cheating on one or more pre-marital girlfriends. Of those who were unfaithful in marriage, 65% cheated on other girlfriends they did not eventually marry.
The risk of both marital cheating and marital betrayal rose with male sexual experience. 3% of the men with 1-3 partners reported cheating and 14% reported betrayal, 12% of the men with 4-9 partners reported cheating and 30% reported betrayal, 28% of the men with 10-19 partners reported cheating and 31% reported betrayal, and 43% of the men with 20+ partners reported both cheating and betrayal.
The risk of divorce also rose with male sexual experience, although less smoothly. Whereas only 6% of the men with between 1-9 partners were divorced, 13% of the men with 10-19 partners and 35% of the men with 20+ partners were divorced.
Now, there superficially appears to be somewhat of a chicken-or-the-egg problem here, as one could argue that divorce and female infidelity precedes promiscuous male behavior. But the reports of premarital behavior tends to preclude this possibility, because men with 1-3 partners average one-half the number of serious premarital girlfriends and one-twentieth the number of betrayed premarital girlfriends as those with 10+ partners.
Infidelity is neither as rampant as is commonly assumed nor does it lead to divorce in the majority of cases. More of the men here than the women have experienced marital infidelity, nearly one quarter, which is unsurprising given a betrayed man will tend to be more inclined to swallow the red pill of Game. Both male and female cheaters tend to marry cheaters, but there is a surprising amount of premarital infidelity even among the relatively inexperienced. However, that premarital infidelity is less likely to translate into subsequent marital infidelity.
I was also surprised to see that the more sexually alpha a man is, the more likely it is that he will be betrayed by his wife. This is directly contra conventional Game theory, although both Athol and Roissy have theorized that while most women seek ALPHA, those with a surfeit of it may develop a craving for BETA. Alternatively, it could simply be a tit-for-tat reaction to habitual Alpha infidelity, or it could be the explanation towards which I incline, which is that because ALPHAS will tolerate higher Ns than lower rank men, they will tend to marry higher rank, higher N women who not only possess a greater proclivity to stray, but are subject to more frequent and determined attempts to seduce them. Of course, it could simply be a combination of all three of these factors.
I also noticed that female infidelity was somewhat more predictable than male infidelity, which is to say that her premarital behavior tends to be more in line with her marital behavior. Men tended to show more variability, as unlike women, there were men who were unfaithful in marriage who had never been unfaithful before marriage. This may or may not be because women with high N are less likely to marry than their male counterparts; only 43% of women in the N=20+ category had ever married versus 64% of men.
Here are three of the funniest paragraphs (by Coontz):
In a forthcoming paper from the Council on Contemporary Families, Oriel Sullivan, a researcher at Oxford University, reports that the higher a woman’s human capital in relation to her husband — measured by her educational resources and earnings potential — the more help with housework she actually gets from her mate. The degree to which housework is shared is now one of the two most important predictors of a woman’s marital satisfaction. And husbands benefit too, since studies show that women feel more sexually attracted to partners who pitch in.
I somehow don’t envision John Doe’s wife saying, “Oooohhhh….Johnny…I get so horny when you do the laundry!”
This was the biggest howler of the day:
Speaking of which, educated wives also get better sex, whatever their partner’s educational level, according to the sexuality researchers Pepper Schwartz and Virginia Rutter. They are more likely to receive as well as give oral sex, to use a greater variety of sexual positions and to experience orgasm regularly.
Translation: “This is how we are going to market our experience with the campus hookup culture!”
Sorry, Dr. Coontz, but that dog won’t hunt.
Oh, and here’s a classic for shaming tactics:
Certainly, some guys are still threatened by a woman’s achievements. But scaring these types off might be a good thing. The men most likely to feel emotional and physical distress when their wives have a higher status or income tend to be those who are more invested in their identity as breadwinners than as partners and who define success in materialistic ways. Both these traits are associated with lower marital quality. Few women really want to marry a man whose penis rises and falls in tandem with the size of his paycheck or the prestige of his diploma.
“Oh honey…not tonight…I only have an MBA!”
I promise I can’t make this crap up.
If this is the New Feminism, the next 20 years shall be quite entertaining indeed.
Susan Walsh has many posts that everyone–men and women, of all religious or non-religious persuasions–should read. Especially those who are wishing to date and/or pursue marriage. Her latest one regarding the “sexual double-standard” is one of those must-reads.
When we’re speaking of the double-standard, it sort of goes like this:
(a) Women–as a group–tend to prefer men with sexual experience;
(b) Men–as a group–tend to prefer women with little or no experience.
That’s not news; nor is it restricted to secular venues.
OTOH, while women generally prefer men with experience, Walsh points out that this “experience” can lead to future “marital disruption”. This is because of the way men and women experience sex.
While it is a known fact that a woman who has prior sexual partners before marriage runs a greater risk of divorce; what often gets overlooked is the fact that male promiscuity can also contribute to the problem.
Walsh cites studies that indicate, “men with high numbers of sex partners, but not men with low numbers of partners, experienced a decrease in their partner’s physical and sexual attractiveness following first-time sexual intercourse. In contrast, women, more than men, experienced increases in feelings of love and commitment following first-time sex.”
Walsh then paraphrases (emphasis mine):
In other words, a manwhore will like you less after having sex with you, while a less sexually experienced man will like you more.
This has clear implications for women: there is indeed a boomerang effect in male promiscuity. Preselection is not endlessly beneficial as an indicator of mating fitness. We know that male promiscuity is a risk factor for divorce, but it also means that a man with a high number of past sexual partners begins to tire of you immediately after having sex with you.
While women often prefer men who have sexual options, and consequently some sexual experience, they would do well do avoid promiscuous men.
This is a serious red flag for women who, as a group, desire a man who “has experience”. That is worldly wisdom which has an analogy in the job market.
I’ve often pointed out, for example, that the best time to find a job is when you have one. This is because, if you are employed, the prospective employers figure that you must be a decent employee. In that position, you can command a higher wage because you have the trump card of saying no. Quite simply, your value is higher and you have more “options”.
It’s the same way with men and women. I’ve had single women treat me more amiably–in at least one case HITTING ON ME–now that I am married, whereas the same women were cold towards me during my single days.
At the same time, that dynamic is a huge deceiver for both employers and women: for employers, an unemployed person may be there due to circumstances beyond his control and may otherwise be a fine prospect; for women, the “experienced” man may be a total prick who will lead you to a train wreck if you marry him whereas the inexperienced man may be a diamond in the rough.
As a side note, I was totally unaware that the virginity rate for men in college–43%–was higher than that of women (37%). That was a “Holy crap!” moment on my end.