1st Feline Battalion

JC is my dear and precious New-Yorker/Puerto Rican (read: passionate and fiesty!) friend who now lives in the great state of Texas. We met when we moved into the same neighborhood about nine years ago.

JC is my friend who I can call, even if I haven’t talked to her in a year, and say, “I need you to pray for me right now,” and she will stop what she’s doing and pray over me and for me. LOVE her. She stood by my side through the end of my first marriage and my divorce. She knows me.

JC called me today. It’s been months since I’ve heard from her. “Ame, I have a friend who is considering a divorce. Would you recommend your attorney?”

We spent the next hour or so talking about this friend’s situation and the raw realities of divorce. At the end of the call, JC said, “You have spoken words of wisdom and truth. I will share these with my friend and call you back.” This is another reason I love JC. She recognizes Truth and is not competitive (women are horrible at competing; so refreshing to have a friend who doesn’t compete with you).

I am passionate about marriages. I am passionate about sharing the Truth about marriage and divorce and single parenting and re-marriage and blended families whenever I get the chance.

Divorce is hell. Divorce is NOT the answer; ever. Divorce may be the lesser of two evils, but it is still evil. Divorce is a hell that never ends when you have children. Divorce is never the solution. No marriage is perfect. No spouse is perfect. No person is perfect. Get over it.

Your spouse is not the enemy; Satan is the enemy. Identify the enemy and fight the enemy (with the armor of God), not your teammate. Pray and find a way and make the choices to get back on the same page, united.

You cannot make choices for anyone but yourself. Your spouse must choose for themself. Sometimes they really screw up and make horrible choices. And then you have to live with them. Sometimes you get a second chance; take it. Sometimes you get to intervene before the relationship totally fails; do it.

I pray for this marriage. Husband wants Wife to do somethings she doesn’t want to do. They are not wrong or immoral, but they will be difficult on her, the kids, and probably on him, too (but he can’t see that). I told JC she should advise her friend to do what her husband wants her to do. I shared with her the raw details of how much worse divorce would be than honoring her husband. JC saw the Truth. May her friend see it, too.

There are so many things about divorce that rob us of life we could be living if we didn’t have to deal with them. Unfortunately, I cannot be more specific right now, although when my brain de-fries some, I will be able to come up with some publishable examples.

There are some who think divorce is the answer. Divorce is never an answer. Sometimes it is the necessary of two evils, but it is never the answer. In reality, it is the creator of many a problem that continue for years and years.

I think, from time-to-time, how much different parts of the divorce have taken chunks away from me … chunks which could have been better invested into my kids or living life rather than dealing with “stuff.” And it saddens me. It is more difficult not to let my thoughts go there because simply knowing families who have not divorced, who have been able to live without the trauma and wounds and necessary healing, presents a continuous picture of what could-have-been. And if it were just me, it would be much easier to digest. But it is not. It’s my kids’ lives, too.

This has been one of those weeks when divorce things have robbed me of valuable time. They were necessary, but it still saddens me. And tires me.

Also this week my special needs daughter’s evaluation results came back, and she was given another diagnosis. I believe it is accurate and have confidence in those who performed the evaluation. It will affect much of the process of how things are done for her in the school system. It’s something else I need to learn more about and study how it integrates with her other diagnoses. She begins Middle School in the fall, and we’re preparing for that … we being her dad and myself as well as the elementary school and the middle school. It’s an enormous amount of work.

My Oldest has had two choral performances this week and has a choral competition tomorrow.

Somehow in the middle of all this, I was able to get everything necessary done. Nothing extra, but the necessary stuff. I’ve given into moments when I’ve wondered how much more I could have accomplished had I not been required to invest so much time and energy and thought into the divorce stuff. But now I need to leave those behind. The week is almost done. Tomorrow is a new day.