1st Feline Battalion

This is semi-humorous, but there is substantial truth to most of them. Feel free to point out the ones you thought were most true, or most funny. (HT: Motte Brown of Boundless.)

My favorites:

12. Never marry a woman who never lets you take the initiative in anything.  You want a porcupine, maybe?  You want Maureen O’Hara instead.

(Amir says: Absolutely correct. Such women must always be in charge. Huge power struggle in the making, unless the man is a complete wuss.)

13. Never marry a woman who does not laugh at your jokes or your buffoonery.  That is one of the nicest ways in which men “serve” women, and women respond by taking delight in the antics.  That is why God made impersonators of Marlon Brando, Sean Connery, and Homer Simpson.  It may in fact be the principal justification for the existence of Marlon Brando, Sean Connery, and Homer Simpson.  This rule is simply an instance of the more general rule that you should never marry a woman who does not genuinely admire you, nor should a woman marry a man whom she does not admire.

(Amir says: Don’t insult Sean Connery like that, as he was a great 007 character. Otherwise, the writer is correct.)

14. Never marry anyone who delights in “exposing” you in public.  Teasing does not count; in fact, never marry a man who cannot be teased.  You can marry a woman who cannot be teased.

(Amir says: Double amen! Ladies and gentlemen: in public, treat each other like royalty. If you have issues, keep them in your homes. I have seen affairs materialize when couples break that rule.)

15. Never marry a man who is not admired by respectable male friends.  The people in the world who know a man best are the men he works and plays with.  They know well if he is a cheat, a thug, a loser.  You may marry a man who does not have female friends.  If anything, you should be suspicious of a man whose friends are principally female.  The men may be avoiding him, and there is a reason for that.

(Amir says: Triple amen! Take a look at the company he keeps. If his friends are of ill-repute, then run–do not walk–from him. Pilgrim and myself have a co-worker whose first husband was a drug dealer. He turned out to be very abusive. Had she known Pilgrim or myself, he would be missing a few limbs while she would have avoided a world of problems.)

17. Never marry a feminist of either sex.  That would be as bad as marrying someone with the soul (not the occupation, but the soul) of a lawyer.

(Amir says: Priceless!)

20. Never marry anyone, man or woman, who scoffs at virtue, who reduces “good” and “evil” to arbitrary counters in the war of all against all, whose humor is flippancy, who looks down upon janitors and maids, who cannot delight in making simple things (like a batting T or a thank-you note), who thinks tradition is old and shopworn (such people are followers of every fad that comes), and who is never, ever, just relaxed, grateful for a shady seat under the maple tree in fall.  That is another way of saying that you should never marry anyone who does not know who God is.