In this piece by Susan Walsh, we get the account of a college student–Samson–who has jumped head-first into the “hookup” culture. Within just north of a month, he has (a) lost his virginity while drunk, (b) “hooked up” with a gal at a party while drunk, (c) had sex with her a second time (this time while sober), (d) got “teased” by her, and (e) “hooked up” with another gal.
Samson, I’m gonna be more blunt here: If you don’t get your lower extremities under control, you’re likely to meet up with Delilah and get DESTROYED. (Don’t believe me? Go read the Biblical account. That’s what happened, but his problems didn’t start with Delilah. And you need not be a Christian to appreciate the disaster that ensued…)
Why do I mention this account? Samson has managed to go through his junior high and high school days without participating in the “hookup” culture. Whether he was a social recluse or a hard working student who had little social life, we don’t know. But this much we DO know: he was a virgin when he entered college. Unless he had some very profound social issues–and that does not appear to be the case–for him to make it that far without having sex was impressive.
Now, within a matter of weeks, he has embarked on a very dangerous path. I say that because when you play the game, the game changes you, not the other way around.
To play the “game”, you have to become someone who objectifies women, who looks at them as a potential piece of meat first, who thinks and schemes and says what needs to be said to get her to take her clothes off.
You can’t just pretend here, because having sex involves embracing that persona that it took for you to get to the act. This works both positively and negatively, too.
(1) This is why the most successful men in the Pick Up Artist (PUA) culture tend to be “bad” guys. Tucker Max, Roissy, even Roosh–I’m not meaning to pick on them–are fine examples of that.
(2) This is also why married Christians–who regularly attend church together–have significantly lower divorce rates than the national average, and, from the studies I’ve seen, are more sexually satisfied than other cohorts.
As for Samson, he is at a very important juncture. While the allure of easy sex is tempting, you always have to count the cost.
(1) No matter what you hear, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS NO STRINGS ATTACHED SEX. There ALWAYS are strings attached, and this is because there is ALWAYS a price. It may not be measurable in dollars and cents; it may be a damage to your character that will fester and rear its ugly head later on in your life.
And don’t kid yourself: your character ALWAYS catches up with you. It may surface in your career; it may surface in your marriage; it may surface in your peripheral relationships; it may surface in all the above. But make no mistake: your character WILL catch up with you.
(2) While many commentators–including myself–have blogged on the effect that promiscuity has on women, it also wreaks havoc on the men. The dynamics are different, but they’re still serious.
Even if a guy manages to not get a gal pregnant, and manages not to contract a sexually-transmitted disease, promiscuity will damage his ability to bond with the opposite sex.
This may not rear its ugly head until his wife hits menopause and he starts having a midlife crisis. When those things happen, that marginal loss in ability to bond can lead to a catastrophic divorce, the roots of which began long before he asked her on their first date.
But Samson needs to get a grip on reality here. What he has embraced is a very destructive path. He is running the risk of marginally damaging his ability to attract a good gal, or to notice a really good gal when he has the chance. This is true irrespective of his religious persuasion or lack thereof.
If he is a Christian, he is sowing some VERY BAD seed, the produce of which is going to suck.