If you had asked me which group–men versus women–had, in percentage terms, more virgins among their college ranks, I would have answered, without hesitation, that the women do. My reason: societal expectations. Men are, more or less, EXPECTED to acquire notches on their belts; male sexual experience is REWARDED by women; women, in turn, are EXPECTED not to “put out”, as loose sexual mores are DISCOURAGED by men.
So color me SHOCKED to learn that, not only are the women–as a group–more promiscuous than men, they are so by a significant margin (virginity rate on campuses is 43% for the men, compared to to 37% for the women).
Now don’t get me wrong: I had dropped any pedestals on which I had placed women many years ago. That is not to say that I look at women with low regard, but rather that I don’t look at them as any better–or worse–than the men. Over the years, I’ve gained a greater appreciation for the Total in Total Depravity.
At the same time, the trend in female promiscuity should be very troubling. This is because–like it or not–promiscuity adversely impacts the quality of men that a woman can attract. Even in a society awash in feminism, female promiscuity is still not looked upon as a good thing by men who are seeking a gal to marry. While the Alpha Males will gladly take such women home for a roll in the hay, they won’t consider a long-term relationship–let alone marriage–with such a one.
But I’ll bet you the women aren’t learning these things at home or at school or at college.
Oh, and please don’t start ranting here about double-standards, because–while you will have a point–it is a moot point.
There are two ways to look at the world: there is the world as we want it to be, and there’s the world as it is. We can bloviate all day about what we want the world to look like and what is fair and what is not, but–IF YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED, YOU’D BETTER BE READY TO DEAL WITH THE WORLD AS IT IS!!!
It’s not that I don’t care–in fact, I do–but, if you are going to make equitable, high-percentage decisions TODAY about your best chances of a positive future TOMORROW, YOU MUST DEAL WITH YOUR PRESENT REALITY!!!
If you don’t like it, then fine. But consider yourself warned.
In the Church, men catch no small amount of flak–Headship Theology anyone?–over promiscuity. In addition to their own vices–which include pornography–the men get blamed for every vice and crisis of the women, including their eating disorders, their promiscuity, and their singleness. Heck, the men end up getting blamed for the divorce culture, even though women file two thirds–or more–of the divorces.
It is long past time to deal with sins fairly and equitably, and that requires destroying the pedestal on which Christians have–as a group–placed women.
That also requires getting into the ugly mess that is singleness, and dealing–head-on–with the subcultures that singles are finding themselves navigating, and confronting that with the Gospel.
Looking at what Susan Walsh calls the “sexual marketplace”, men and women have a situation that, in secular terms, ranges from bad to downright ugly.
This is a golden opportunity for the Church to offer a more equitable alternative to singles. To date, singles are not seeing it.