Good Luck With That, Ms. Glass

MrsLarijani pointed me to a piece written by Amy Glass, within which she referenced this.

For her own sake, I hope Ms. Glass recovers from this lapse in intelligence. As she stands now, she is dismissing herself as a biological dead-end. In another generation, no one will either remember or care about her work. If marries and has children, that legacy will have a great chance of extending for hundreds of years.

But hey…I’m a libertarian sort. This is America, and I’m all for her right to live her life as she sees fit.

Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself? There’s no way those two things are the same.

Of course they are not on the same footing; the SAHM is on far-better footing, particularly if she homeschools her kids, thus providing the highest-percentage chance for those kids to grow up and be exceptionally intelligent and productive.

Moreover, those children will one day take care of their aging mother when she is old and cannot take care of herself. They will push her wheelchair, even bathe her and change her diaper and hold her hand in her last days.

The gal who intentionally chooses lifelong singleness, OTOH, will have none of that. While she may be able to afford a nice nursing home if she earns enough money, there is no substitute for family.

Ms. Glass is free to live as she chooses; whatever she does, it’s no skin off my back.

However, Ms. Glass, keep in mind that you are taking a course of action that even Gloria “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” Steinem eventually abandoned. Ms. Steinem eventually got married. Ms. Steinem sought fertility treatments, without success. Ms. Steinem was a fish who needed a bicycle.

While you are free to try to make this work for you, Ms. Glass, there is a logical reason why women generally get married and have children. Many of them do so in the midst of successful careers outside the home; many even ditch those careers so they can be with their kids.

In my 24 years in the professional world, I have met no small number of women–married, with children–who would like to give up their jobs and stay at home with their kids. I have met no small number of women who did exactly that and are happy with that decision. I have female friends in their 40s who are second-guessing themselves for not marrying, and who hope they still will be able to marry.

I can count one one hand the number of women I’ve known who married and had children, who wish they had done neither. They are in fact the most unpleasant and corrosive people to be around.

That said, this is America. I hope it works out for you, Ms. Glass.

A Big Elephant In The Room

First, some disclosures. These are no-brainers, but the ensuing discussion is going to almost certainly create some blowback.

(1) From a Christian standpoint, I accept that men and women alike are called to eschew sexual immorality and to keep sex in the marriage bed.

(2) While the dynamics of the pickup (PUA*) culture are rational, they are not something endorsed by Scripture. Ergo, the man who “plays the field” is in the same spiritual peril as the woman who “hooks up” or engages in sexual relations in a non-marital scenario.

Ok, with those out of the way, here we have an interesting poll which, if true, gives men more reason to be skeptical about marriage.

Susan Walsh has long contended that, as a result of feminism and the allure of “no strings attached sex”, women are gravitating to the Alpha males in such a way that (a) a small percentage of men are having a disproportionate amount of the sex, and (b) as a result of (a), many Alpha males have a “soft harem” fomented in no small part by the hookup culture.

The poll seems to jibe with the dynamics of Game exacerbated by the onslaught of feminism: many women are riding the carousel–in either hookups or serially-monogamous relationships with Alpha males–and then “settling down” with the “nice guys” (Betas), who aren’t as exciting as the Alphas were. The dynamics are so lopsided that, in the college ranks, the male virgins–in raw and percentage terms–outnumber the female virgins.

Those of us guys who were/are in the ranks Christian singles for any significant length of time have seen these types pass through. They often have degrees, they are in their late 20s or early 30s, sometimes–not always–they are divorced (a bad marriage to an Alpha), and are now looking to settle down with a “good Christian guy”.

Like I said, we can rip the men all day about such things as “playing the field” (the Alpha males), delving into pornography, and even, in some cases, dating women for a long time without committing. The Church does a good job of that. I can say for a fact that the men’s leaders are on top of this matter like flies on dung.

At the same time, I don’t see a whole lot of attention given, from the pulpit or even in the publishing house, to women who play the hookup culture, or engage in serial monogamy.

If the poll I have cited is even in the ballpark–and it probably is–then this type of baggage is every bit as insidious for the husbands as the baggage of male porn usage is for the wives. Don’t believe me? Heregoes…

If the lackluster sex isn’t bad enough, the poll found that 66 percent of married women would rather read a book, watch a movie or take a nap than have sex with a spouse.

That should fill men with great confidence about the appreciation their wives have for them.

So where are the ministerial exhortations and admonitions? Where are the “pro-family” leaders? Where are Driscoll and Chandler?

And where are the prominent Christian women leaders who should be exhorting and admonishing the ladies?

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*PUA is an acronym meaning “PickUp Artist”, and is commonly used in the blogosphere to describe those who pick up women for short-term sexual relationships, hookups, or one-night stands.

Challies: The 6 Deadly Enemies of Marriage

Yes, this seems basic, but it’s still good reading nonetheless.

Looking in the OT, there is significant emphasis on memorials and landmarks as a means of reminding the Israelites of their heritage. They are commanded to celebrate Passover, as it is their “Independence Day”. These commandments were designed to help them remember the things that the Lord has done, is doing, and will do. When they strayed, it often stemmed from their forgetting where they came from. When they stayed on target–such as their confrontation of the tribes of Reuben, Gad, and half tribe of Manasseh over the altar west of the Jordan, and the resolution of that issue–it was because they did remember.

It is the same thing for the Christian in general, the married Christian in particular.

When you get married, you do cross over into a new life that has a root in Creation and is designed to model Jesus and the Church. As you remain faithful to each other, you are telling the world that, just as you are faithful to each other, God is even more faithful to His promises. A marriage is, in the words of Tim Keller, a “Gospel re-enactment.”

And yes, sex is, for the husband and wife, a celebration of that.

Plenty of Blame to Go Around Here, Especially on Her End

In November, Dalrock provided an assessment of this piece, by Jenny Erikson, who divorced her husband. While I agree with Dalrock, I do think his assessment is incomplete.

As I read Erikson’s post, several things stood out:

(1) If half of what she says about her pastor is true, he is a manipulative, micromanagy scumbag.

Seriously? Using the FB page of a parishioner to confront them about what you perceive to be a problem? Go back and read Matthew 5. If you believe that the husband is head of the wife, then it is on you to take it up with the husband–or talk to the two of them together–if it is that important. Facebook is not the place to be airing that crap.

And calling people out for crying babies? That’s so juvenile. While I can understand where a pastor may find such interruptions annoying, I’ve seen many good pastors–even hardcore conservative fundamentalist types–deal with these issues with grace and humor.

(2) Her husband has no balls.

If my wife is doing something of which my pastor does not approve, and he airs it on FB rather than come to me first, I’m going to let him know–in no uncertain terms–that (a) I, not him, am the head of my wife, and (b) if he has a problem with something that my wife is doing, he needs to take it up with me, and (c) if he takes it to Facebook like that again, I will personally rip his head off.

By going around the husband and confronting the wife, he is attacking the manhood of her husband. That the husband does not stand up to that is troubling.

And that’s not to say that the pastor was wrong to be concerned about the matter–her taking her kids into Victoria’s Secret. It was arguably worth a mild admonition, although I probably would have let the matter slide if I were a pastor.

(While I have no qualms with her going to VS herself–one’s intimate apparel is, and ought to be, a private matter–it does not strike me as the best judgment to take one’s children in there. Like I said, if I’m a pastor, I probably wave that off, but I can understand why a pastor might at least have a word in private with the couple about it, just to give a mild admonition. But doing and end around the husband is very bad Biblical protocol.)

Still…

(3) Jenny is wrong for divorcing her husband, and has exposed herself as a liar.

She claims that the pastor acted on a “4th hand rumor”, and yet she had already made up her mind and in fact told her husband that she had already filed the papers. There was no “rumor” at all; it was a done deal. To keep falling back on the “rumor” argument is factual dishonesty.

Moreover, she listed no Biblical reason for her divorce. Even stipulating that pastor was a jerk and that her husband has no balls, none of those stipulations–individually or collectively–make a Biblical reason for abrogating the marriage covenant.

At best, Jesus allows divorce for one case: adultery. If he cheated on her, then she has grounds.

Some folks will suggest that abuse is legitimate grounds. While I will never fault a husband (wife) who divorces an abusive wife (husband), I am not going to twist the Scriptures and suggest that the Bible endorses it. In such cases, it may be a necessary evil, but it would be less than honest to suggest that the Scriptures say something that they don’t. Even then, Jenny has not provided a case that her husband was abusive. If anything, he was too passive. But abusive? Not so much.

Yes, her pastor is a manipulative jerk.

Yes, her (now ex) husband is probably an otherwise decent man who is way too passive.

Still, Ms. Erikson is worse than the two of them combined, as she is dropping a nuclear bomb on her children.

And yes,

(4) the church is correct for excommunicating her.

Whatever their faults, they should call this crap for what it is, and call her to repentance.

Class dismissed.