I’m going to be blunt: reading books about Christian singleness usually carries as much excitement as forensic proctology. And, when Charles–formerly of SingleChristianMan.blogspot.com–alerted me to A.J. Kiesling’s book Where Have All the Good Men Gone, I figured this was going to be another Debbie Maken screed all over again.
At first, as I opened Where Have All the Good Men Gone, and looked at the endnotes, I rolled my eyes. One chapter exclusively references Debbie Maken’s book Getting Serious About Getting Married. Kiesling starts out as if this is going to be an anti-male rant. I forced myself to keep reading. She referred to her singles gatherings where there were four women for every man present. (Sign me up for that Church…YESTERDAY!!!)
Instead, I found myself pleasantly surprised. THIS is the book that Debbie Maken could have written, had she not been blinded by her rage against men. THIS is the book that our friends at Boundless need to be promoting. (Ted: are you taking notes?)
If you are looking for a book that addresses why the Church has the dilemma of singleness–and what the Church must do–this is not your book. (Someone else is writing that one.)
If you are looking for a book that provides top-notch Biblical exegesis, this is not your book. (The book in progress might go there.)
If you are looking for a book that fingers one particular sex for the blame, you will be disappointed. (The author of the book in progress said his won’t go there either.)
If you are looking for a book that lays out–candidly–what is on the minds of Christian singles, men and women alike, and provides practical advice for each group in their pursuit of marriage, then this is your book.
Kiesling’s approach was different from Maken’s in that–rather than impute her experiences on the general–she actually made a good-faith effort to determine what the unmarried Christian men and women were thinking of each other. Her study was not perfect: she did an Internet survey of 120 Christian singles and used their responses as the primary content of her book.
While her method was not perfect in the scientific sense–she did not break down the respondents by age, region, denomination, or other levels of granularity–she was not aiming toward that end.
Still, I think she hit the important points, and–get this, folks–she was fair and balanced.
What you get is a sobering portrait of the hurts, the frustrations, the insecurities, the expectations, the hangups, and barriers that each sex has erected against the other.
I am not mentioning specifics, because I would rather you read it for yourself.
Kiesling’s tone is not one of judgment or condemnation; in fact, this is arguably the most constructive book–and practical one–that I have read on the subject.
If you are Christian, single, and want to be married, this is a must-read.
On a scale of 1 to 10, I give it a 9.