Recon’s Black Ops

Ted Slater of Boundless–who, admirably, chose to tread very carefully–opened up a discussion this week regarding the gender imbalance in higher education: in undergrad studies, the students were 60% women to 40% men. He expressed concern over that, and–attempting to avoid a conversation that devolved into a sexist food fight–stated some very good points. I will provide them, with emphasis added.

Call me a sexist, but my first reaction is to find that disappointing. Call me a sexist, but I believe that in most cases the husband should be the primary income-earner in the family, and that the wife should be free to stay at home with the kids. It follows, logically I think, that more men should be preparing for these income-earning careers by going to college. And that women should be careful not to bring on exorbitant school loan debt that may prohibit them from being able to carry out their dreams to be stay-at-home moms.

Oh, this blog post is so politically incorrect. A chunk of our readers are going to misinterpret what I’m saying, insisting that I believe women should be ignorant and that they are only qualified to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. I’m not saying that. I married a woman with a master’s degree, after all. Another chunk of our readers are going to say that I’m subtly characterizing men, who attend college at a rate less than women, as irresponsible gamers who are prolonging their adolescence out of fear of taking on responsibility. I’m not saying that either.

I am saying, though, that I find these stats to be puzzling. Sure, some of the non-college-going men may be attending trade schools or taking on careers that don’t require college. And many of the college-attending women may be pursuing lower-cost liberal arts degrees that make them more well-rounded, that give them opportunities to meet their husband, that don’t rack up the debt, that equip them to take on jobs while awaiting Mr. Right.

Before I provide the best response of all time–from a blogger named Jenny–I will provide my thoughts:

1. Ted is speaking to the general, not to the universal. He said “in most cases, the husband should be the primary income-earner int he family.” BTW: that is usually true anyway, even if the wife works full-time.
2. On the issue of debt, Ted is on the money. If a woman has large amounts of debt, she may find herself forced to work full-time during her childbearing years–longer than she would have planned. My only issue with Ted on this: the debt is every bit as serious if the men run it up.

I have more to offer, but that’s coming later. Now, for the best response of all time:

Why are people so offended at this? It’s biblical that women should be primary homemakers, helpers to their husbands, and caretakers to their children. It’s biblical that men should be primary breadwinners. Read Genesis 3 (and the rest of the bible).

For men: 1 Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

For women: Titus 2:3-5 “…the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things – that they admonish the young women to love thier husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

I don’t know what it’s like in the States, but in Canada, undergrad students finish with an average of $20,000 debt. Paying that back at 7-10% interest per annum and it adds up pretty quickly. Since a woman’s main responsibility in marriage is in the home, obviously she should be pretty careful about racking up that kind of debt (and often more).

That being said, if you can take care of that primary responsibility and also find creative ways to pursue a career (whether that’s part time, work from home, even full time out of the home at some point), I don’t think there’s a problem with that. Nor do I believe it’s contrary to Scripture IF you’ve got your priorities right. Although I’d hope you wouldn’t be working full time from the month your child was born – even the secular world recognizes that’s not good.

Obviously Ted’s not advocating that women don’t get educated. He’s just suggesting that we women make informed decisions with a biblical perspective on the long-term that won’t force us to compromise our biblical responsibilities, and that men take their responsibility as providers seriously.

And if we women are prone to bristling at the idea that we might just have to make some tough decisions about our education or our careers, perhaps the problem’s with us. If we’re upset about the possibility that we might just have a responsibility to our families that might just mean that we actually live our lives selflessly on occasion, and not exactly as we might want, maybe we need to spend more time studying the Word and the humility and love Christ demonstrated to us, that we’re supposed to be mirrorring.

I know I’m sometimes frustrated because I know that marrying (which I’m doing in 3 weeks) and having children (which Lord-willing will happen within a few years), will mean that I can’t do exactly what I want. If I had it my own selfish way, I wouldn’t stay home with the kids. I’d make sure I was educated and able to pursue my career as much as my little wretched heart desires. But it’s good to remember that selfishness, no matter what noble guise we might hide it under, is NOT a Christian virtue.

Isn’t the Christian life all about denying self??? Isn’t that what it means to follow Christ? Aren’t we supposed to be putting off that old nature that only wants to look out for Number 1???

It doesn’t necessarily mean that we give everything up – obviously it is important to use the gifts the Lord gives us, and to pursue opportunities he opens up – but there will be times when we have to make tough decisions about giving some things up that we’d really, really like.

That last sentence is priceless. Both husbands and wives need to take huge stock in this: marriage is not all about you, and you each will be forced to make sacrifices, even give up things you enjoyed in your single life, for the good of the covenant.

Score one for Ted. Score a BIG one for Jennie. Hat tip to Christina for alerting me to it.