One day, Joe decided that he had to get in shape if it killed him. He was 100 pounds overweight, and really wanted to get those pounds off.
So he went to his local gym. They had three weight loss plans: one guaranteed a ten pound weight loss in one week. The other guaranteed twenty. The other fifty.
Being conservative, Joe signed up for the ten pound plan.
The next day, Joe answered his door to find a scantily-clad hot babe wearing a sign: “If you catch me, I’m yours!”
Joe took off after her. It was tough work, but he caught her and really had a good time afterward. Sure enough, after a week of this, he had lost 15 pounds, exceeding the 10 pound guarantee.
So Joe decided to get ambitious, and signed up for the 20-pound plan.
The next day, Joe answered his door to find a naked gal–even hotter than the gal he chased last week–wearing nothing but a sign that said, “If you catch me, I’m yours!”
Joe took off after her. The run was tougher–she was very fast–but he caught her and had a fabulous time afterward. Sure enough, after a week of this, he had lost 30 pounds, exceeding the 20 pound guarantee.
Joe hadn’t felt this good in years!
So, noticing that he had lost 45 pounds so far, Joe decided that if he enrolled in the 50-pound plan, he would finally be in shape. He decided to go for the gusto: the 50-pound plan.
The gym manager tried to talk him out of it. “Joe, dude…just do the 20-pound plan a few more times. It’s loads more fun. The 50-pound plan is a monster!”
But Joe was determined. He insisted on the 50-pound plan.
The next day, Joe answered his door enthusiastically, thinking this would be a dream week.
It was Perez Hilton, wearing nothing but a smile and a sign that said, “If I catch you, you’re mine!”
*falls over in fits of laughter*
ROFLOL!!!!!!!
Richard Simmons is gay??? I am SO shocked!!!
On second thought, I’m going to change the punch line…give me a few seconds…
@Linda Canup
I decided that Simmons ought not be an appropriate butt of a punchline such as this. (The joke is one I heard a long time ago, on AOL.)
After all, I have no axe to grind with Mr. Simmons.
Perez Hilton, on the other hand, is worth a backhand or two.
LOL!!!
@StealthyCat
What is this AOL you speak of?
@RJ
I used to be a regular on many AOL discussion boards and chat rooms in the late 1990s, back when the AOL platform was conducive to that activity.
Ha!
I would go back to Richard Simmons. I realize I live under a rock but I honestly have never heard of Perez Hilton!
Linda: Perez Hilton is the numbnut who got his panties in a twist when Miss California said she opposed “gay marriage”.
The openly gay numbnut, I might add. He also regularly “outs” celebrities whom he suspects to be closeted gays. Interestingly, one of the celebs he frequently targets is Anderson Cooper, recently famous for slurring the Tea Party demonstrators with that classic piece of frat-house “humor”, “It’s hard to talk when you’re teabagging.” To be fair, Cooper has never publicly discussed his sexual preference.
@Cubbie
Yeah, but if Cooper is running around slandering “Tea Party” demonstrators with the “teabagger” label–and he was the one, if I am not mistaken, who started the “teabagging” attacks–then he’s a fair target.
As for Perez, he’s utterly classless, as are the scumbags who made him a judge for Miss USA.
I mean come on…what qualifies a man–attracted to his own sex–to judge the beauty and/or character of the opposite sex?
*inserts tongue-in-check*
We’re all human. I mean, like, we’re all the same. Anatomy means nothing. It’s all cultrually induced.
Sheesh.
EVERYONE knows that gender roles are up for definition . . . it’s what you feel you are.
*removes tongue*
I don’t deny that Cooper is a fair target for starting the “teabagger” labels. My point is that Perez Hilton is so over-the-top activist gay that he feels it’s his right to “out” people who, for whatever reason, choose not to discuss their sexual preference. Hilton didn’t start trying to “out” Cooper after the “teabagger” wisecrack… he’s been pulling this stunt with regard to Cooper since at least 2006.
Wow, great stuff. Hardest I’ve laughed in a while.