I just finished dinner. 1 cup lettuce, 1 cup carrots, tbsp Lite Caesar Dressing, 2 crushed homemade hushpuppies (for sustanance, of course 
).
The vegetables did wonders for my psyche.
Details will follow – Amir is quite busy right now – but one of the “details” is that this relationship is long-distance. I knew this would be difficult. I’ve been through difficult before, but this a type of difficult that I haven’t experienced before. Being engaged is brand new territory for the both of us.
I thought that I would be “O.K.” with the distance. Since it was something I was aware of, I figured that I wouldn’t let the distance “get to me”. I had no idea that not letting the distance get to me would be such an uphill battle. On top of the distance, there is the added complication of plain old sin. I want what I want and I want it now. Not in 5 minutes or 5 days or 5 weeks or 5 months – NOW. I’m having to learn patience is new ways.
. . . but . . .
There is a connection between the physical and emotional, spiritual side to life. The angst that I’m feeling could easily give way to poor nutrition and getting lax in exercise. I’m learning in new ways that in current circumstances filling myself with good, nutritious food is more important than it ever is. Exercise is also good stress/anxiety-relief.
These are far more productive things to give myself over to than to wallow in self-pity and chocolate. The later would actually be easier, but I know that it will only bring immediate gratification. The long-term consequences are too scary for me to actually give myself over to those things.
I’m looking forward to the next chapter in my life. I’m going to screw things up royally from time to time; probably more often than I would like to admit. Fortunately, Amir is an extremely patient and loving man. I’m completely unworthy of his favor. That’s for sure. Yet, he keeps giving it in abundance . . . just like Jesus.
He’s not Jesus, but I’m thankful that he reflects Him well.
Tough waiting, even when you know something good is coming. I met a wonderful guy at church and he is moving to Seattle. I can’t deal. Part of me seriously hopes that while he is there the revelation will come upon him that I am just the cutest, smartest and funniest girl he has ever known and that he wants me to join him up there. I see him for the last time tomorrow night. The thing is, he has been very kind to me and I am sad he is leaving just as a friend because I need to have awesome guys like him as my friends–especially if I am never to marry. I almost went to UW up in Seattle. I wonder if my luck would have been different there. One of his friends really loves the idea that I like him. Potentially extremely embarrassing.
I gave in to temptation and wallowed in chocolate. My recommendation is that you read my blog because it will make you happy that you are where you are and that things will come together for you both, Lord willing.
FutureMrsLarijani: Good, hard cardio is very therapeutic. There’s nothing like the satisfaction of having kicked the Shi’ite out of the exercise gods, and celebrating with a nice, cold, nutritious smoothie.
Note: FutureMrsLarijani makes kick-ass fruit smoothies!