The Choice She Made

“I just feel like I’m doing three full-time jobs,” she lamented, “my job, being a mom, and managing a home.” She’s my daughter’s choir director at school, and she’s an awesome choir director. She has grown the program from almost nothing to a size she can hardly keep up with.

It’s not the first conversation she and I have had about these things, and, though I haven’t told her this, it’s not the first time I’ve wondered how she fits it all in knowing how much she does for the choirs. The reality is, she doesn’t.

I found it interesting that she didn’t mention being a wife as one of her full-time jobs. From what I can tell, she and her husband have a great relationship. So she’s a full-time wife, a full-time mom, a full-time home manager, and a full-time-and-a-half choir teacher at a middle school. And she can’t give her best to any one thing because she’s spread out too thin.

I really like this woman. She’s done a lot for both my daughters, including my Youngest, even though my Youngest isn’t the one in choir, and so I go up to the school to help her anytime she needs me that I possibly can help her.

Her husband and family pinch hit when she must work late hours up at the school. But, according to what she’s shared, she’s still the main one responsible for the management of the home and the children, along with her full-time job.

I wonder if women like this will encourage their daughters to do the same, even though she admittedly cannot “do it all.” Will she expect her daughter to be able to “do it all?” Will she raise her son to expect his wife to be a woman who can “do it all?”

She loves her job and the fulfillment and notoriety it gives her, but she laments the time she looses with her kids. I wonder if she ever realizes the choice she made.

3 thoughts on “The Choice She Made

  1. As with any thing in life, decisions like this creep up on you. Her career started out when things were manageable and it snowballed into this – X number of kids later. It takes a very distinct sort of person to not get wrapped up in what they are doing for others.

    There is an interesting status message on FB that I came across yesterday:

    Haha, it’s been hilarious to see people who I know were at one time (pre-kids) anti-Halloween/pro-Reformation Day churchy principled people display their kids Halloween costumes on Facebook. Having kids totally changed their theological “commitments.” Can’t wait to see what happens during the teen years:)

    I bring this up to demonstrate how quickly one can waffle on their “convictions” and justify their actions. It often takes very little for someone to be persuaded to change their behavior. It’s a sad fact of being human.

  2. yes, it is amazing how being a parent changes things. sometimes people cave … and sometimes they just get a dose of perspective and reality.

    and often, the choices we make day-to-day are made in the trenches … it’s rare that we get to come up and get a bigger picture. i just pray that the little choices add up in ways that benefit my kids … that they’re thinking kids with hearts for God. i cannot make their choices for them, but i can create an environment where they have the best opportunity to make healthy choices.

    i do not fault this mom. i think she, like most in her generation, bought into the ‘you can do it all’ lies … and she’s learning the hard way that something has to give.

    i think she’s also an example of how feminism has hurt women, not helped them. she has more work than she can humanly get done.

    and she’s one of the lucky ones … she has a strong extended family of support, and she truly cares for and loves her kids, giving them what she can … trying to learn along the way how to best parent each kid, which is challenging.

    i find it sad, sometimes, when i talk to her about these things. i just listen and encourage her.

  3. “I bring this up to demonstrate how quickly one can waffle on their “convictions” and justify their actions. It often takes very little for someone to be persuaded to change their behavior. It’s a sad fact of being human.”

    been thinking a lot about this. i think that those who are truly convicted more directly through their intimate relationship with God are those who stick with what they are convicted about. just b/c someone else says it’s a good thing, and you feel some conviction that it might be good, is usually not enough to change one’s lifestyle over.

    also, i think that reality hits beliefs when we have children. i say this b/c i was married 11 years before i had my first baby. i had many, many, many beliefs and even convictions. having children was a dose of harsh reality thrown into those beliefs and convictions. they’ve all been sifted and tried. some were worth keeping; others were not. the basics of the bible, though, stand firm.

    there are many things that find christians on opposite sides. some things are worth fighting for; some are not. we divide ourselves more than we should, and a house divided against itself cannot stand, which is very likely the cause of the weakness of christianity in our culture. we often use the fine-toothed comb on everyone else we know who is a christian and not on ourselves. we often forget the log in our own eye. there are things to stand for, and there are things to let go. those who fight for petty things that are not biblical but sound good divide us.

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