Susan Walsh has many posts that everyone–men and women, of all religious or non-religious persuasions–should read. Especially those who are wishing to date and/or pursue marriage. Her latest one regarding the “sexual double-standard” is one of those must-reads.

When we’re speaking of the double-standard, it sort of goes like this:

(a) Women–as a group–tend to prefer men with sexual experience;
(b) Men–as a group–tend to prefer women with little or no experience.

That’s not news; nor is it restricted to secular venues.

OTOH, while women generally prefer men with experience, Walsh points out that this “experience” can lead to future “marital disruption”. This is because of the way men and women experience sex.

While it is a known fact that a woman who has prior sexual partners before marriage runs a greater risk of divorce; what often gets overlooked is the fact that male promiscuity can also contribute to the problem.

Walsh cites studies that indicate, “men with high numbers of sex partners, but not men with low numbers of partners, experienced a decrease in their partner’s physical and sexual attractiveness following first-time sexual intercourse. In contrast, women, more than men, experienced increases in feelings of love and commitment following first-time sex.”

Walsh then paraphrases (emphasis mine):

In other words, a manwhore will like you less after having sex with you, while a less sexually experienced man will like you more.

This has clear implications for women: there is indeed a boomerang effect in male promiscuity. Preselection is not endlessly beneficial as an indicator of mating fitness. We know that male promiscuity is a risk factor for divorce, but it also means that a man with a high number of past sexual partners begins to tire of you immediately after having sex with you.

While women often prefer men who have sexual options, and consequently some sexual experience, they would do well do avoid promiscuous men.

This is a serious red flag for women who, as a group, desire a man who “has experience”. That is worldly wisdom which has an analogy in the job market.

I’ve often pointed out, for example, that the best time to find a job is when you have one. This is because, if you are employed, the prospective employers figure that you must be a decent employee. In that position, you can command a higher wage because you have the trump card of saying no. Quite simply, your value is higher and you have more “options”.

It’s the same way with men and women. I’ve had single women treat me more amiably–in at least one case HITTING ON ME–now that I am married, whereas the same women were cold towards me during my single days.

At the same time, that dynamic is a huge deceiver for both employers and women: for employers, an unemployed person may be there due to circumstances beyond his control and may otherwise be a fine prospect; for women, the “experienced” man may be a total prick who will lead you to a train wreck if you marry him whereas the inexperienced man may be a diamond in the rough.

As a side note, I was totally unaware that the virginity rate for men in college–43%–was higher than that of women (37%). That was a “Holy crap!” moment on my end.