What Do You Do With What Comes Next?

Amir’s post, Giving Immorality a Free Pass, raises some questions about how to relate to people who have chosen similar paths as the years go on. Something simple gets complex with time and circumstance.

For (a real) example, husband of Couple A and wife of Couple B have an affair, get caught, divorce their spouses, and get married. They have seven children between them – 3 in one family and 4 in the other. These two couples were best friends and actively involved in the same church. In fact, both the husband and wife of Couple B grew up in this church, and their parents and families are still members, including siblings who are also now married and have/having children of their own.

You have a child who is friends with one of the 7. Do you allow your child to continue playing with the child of the adulterous couple? The wife of couple A remarried a few years later and moved to a neighboring town 30 minutes away, so if you child is to play with one of her children, and you do not want to see the adulterous couple, you now have to drive into the city with traffic for your kids to see each other and play together.

Adulterous couple moves from original church to a church (from a First Baptist Church to a FBC, if it matters any) in a neighboring town and becomes actively involved. As a matter of fact, adulterer husband is even teaching adult Sunday School with the blessing of the church! The two towns are inter-mixed enough that people in the new church know what happened.

Not once did the adulterous couple repent. During the affair and the discovery, they were approached by many who advised them to break it off. They chose not to and went through with it. The offended husband spiraled, remarried once on the rebound, divorced again, and is still unbalanced and lost in space.  Both he and the offended wife had caught the adulterous couple in the buff in each other’s houses. The offended wife became a breath short of an alcoholic, remarried, and had another child with new husband (who didn’t have any children of his own).

Now it’s been probably 12 or so years. People have come and gone. The kids are all grown up and all but one graduated from High School. There’s a grandbaby or two mixed in there.

So you’re new to the community, join their church, and even join their Sunday School class. It doesn’t take long to figure out they’re a blended family, but the truth of what they did is a blur. What do you do?

Now your son is dating one of their daughter’s, and they are serious and talking marriage. You will be related to this twisted family … the Adulterous couple will become your son’s in-laws. How do you advise your son about his fiance’s parents and their choices and his future relationship with them?

You are working in the children’s area of the church, and you and she are asked to share a teaching role in one of the graded classes. What do you do?

2 thoughts on “What Do You Do With What Comes Next?

  1. Hey there =)

    This is a puzzle. My biggest concern would first be that the daughter has a healthy understanding of relationships and encourage the son to irk that out and find out if she understands how unhealthy her family is.

    Then, I would encourage son to encourage fiance and self to find a healthy model of marriage and form a mentoring relationship.

    Lastly, I would encourage son to work with fiance in setting firm and solid boundaries with potential in-laws when it comes to relationship advice specifically.

    You only have knowledge of your son and how you taught him. Trust and pray that you taught him well enough to make good, solid decisions. None of this is the girl’s fault, and while sin can follow generations after (because of how entrenched it becomes in family life), encouragement to change her descendants’ history should be important, as well.

  2. The problem is that, when kids are involved, the gravity of the situation increases dramatically.

    On one hand, we cannot afford to mitigate the severity of the offense involved.

    OTOH, we MUST ensure that we aren’t punishing the children for the sins of their parents.

    Even worse, once the kids find out the truth about their parents, we are going to have to help them pick up the pieces, because the suck factor is going to increase substantially.

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