Assessing Tracy Clark Flory

At this point, the story of Tracy Clark Flory (TCF)–the sex-positive feminist columnist who once defended casual sex and is now sort of revisiting that position–is not news. Susan Walsh and Vox Day–as well as Roissy–provide scathing assessments of TCF.

My intention here is not to pile on TCF about her sexual past. She’s not a professing Christian, I don’t know her, she doesn’t know me, and–if anything–I sort of feel sorry for her. I would have more ire for her if she were a Christian, but–given that she does not claim any such affiliation–my only serious gripe with her is that she spent her most promiscuous years promoting that lifestyle for others.

That said, her story is instructive to both men and women.

For the men, it is important in that it provides a real-life portrait of the discretion that a man needs to have when dating someone. TCF–like Kate Bolick–is not immediately repulsive to men. In fact, both TCF and Kate Bolick are relatively attractive. Bolick, for someone in her 40s, has done an impressive job taking care of her appearance.

And that’s the problem for men here: APPEARANCES! Yes, men hate hearing the admonition about “inner beauty”. They dread the words, “She has a great personality!” And that’s not to say that outer beauty doesn’t or shouldn’t count: it does, and no amount of shaming tactics will change that fact.

At the same time, the men tend to forget about that “beauty is fleeting” clause in Proverbs 31.

The cases of Kate Bolick and TCF underscore the need for the guys to have discernment. This is because there are women life Kate Bolick and TCF in the Church. They have a certain charm, and even the appearance of godliness. They may not be regulars in the singles classes, but they’ll show up at special functions. They’ll dress suggestively enough to appeal to the men who are “looking”, while speaking the right spiritual jargon to make you think they are genuine. They may even play the game so well that you will not be aware of their loose morals.

How do you win against those types if you’re a guy? You have to be honest about your own lusts and desires and motives. The guys who fall for those types are every bit as depraved as the gals for whom they fall. In fact, I would suggest that they don’t “fall” for the loose woman as much as they “swan dive” into sin. They crash–head-first, with a smile–into sin.

Don’t think it can’t happen to you? That’s evidence that it can.

Now how is TCF’s case instructive for the women?

Ladies, her case is a WARNING to you. Wanna know how?

Let’s say you are wanting to get married–to a good, stand-up guy–and have kids with him. Let’s say that have the following pedigree:

(1) You are 28 years old;
(2) You started having sex when you were in your teens;
(3) Your college life was rife with “hookups”, often with alcohol involved;
(4) Even after college, your dating life was a series of short-term sexual relationships with Alpha males;

While everyone is going to have SOME baggage, this type of past is indicative of a lot of the self-inflicted type. While your chances of marrying well aren’t zero, they have gotten worse–not better–with age, due to those choices.

Now, let’s say that, instead, you have the following pedigree:

(1) You are 24 years old;
(2) You are either a virgin or–at worst–have had no more than three partners in your life, none since high school;
(3) Your college life was straight-laced: you did not play the hookup culture, and you dated with good boundaries;
(4) You work hard, and the group with whom you hang is upstanding; you don’t frequent the bar scene.
(5) While you find yourself naturally-attracted to Alpha males, you check yourself because you KNOW that those types, while interesting, are as cunning to the women as the scantily-clad hottie is to the men.

The tragedy is that, while TCF is still young (she’s 28), she has the following working against her:

(1) She probably can’t even count the number of partners she’s had;
(2) She does not seem to grasp what commitment is;
(3) She is in total denial about what she has done with her life;
(4) Her most fertile years were spent riding the carousel.

While I support TCF’s right to destroy her life–and she’s doing a great job of it–I would also point out that she’s reprehensible for teaching others to do as she has done.

And THAT is another area that women need to heed: people like TCF do what they do because THEY NEED YOU TO BE A SLUT IN ORDER FOR THEM TO HAPPY! THIS IS BECAUSE THERE IS STRENGTH IN NUMBERS!

The sluttier you are, the better it is for her ego: it allows her to feel better about herself.

16 thoughts on “Assessing Tracy Clark Flory

  1. (first – thanks for changing the design – that brown/beige/whatever hurt my eyes)

    i knew a beautiful, seductive girl in college – met her at church. she had more stories of when and where she slept w/men than i could keep up with. i asked her if it bothered her when the preacher or teacher spoke against sex outside of marriage … she said it wasn’t any different than lying; it was just a sin.

    yep, they ARE everywhere.

    and while physical attractiveness IS important for both men and women … it is amazing how attractive an outstanding man or woman becomes (1) once you really get to know them, and (2) the longer they’re with an outstanding person … meaning if you’re great and treat them well, their physical appearance becomes even more attractive.

    when we say ‘yes’ to one something, we are saying ‘no’ to many more somethings. if you want to marry well and have a great marriage and hopefully children, say ‘no’ to engaging in behavior that devalues you in the marriage market.

  2. lmao at the “You are either a virgin or–at worst–have had no more than three partners in your life, none since high school”

    Really? at worst? I was a virgin til I was 22 years old. One partner before my husband. I thought I was going to marry the guy. Now, I’m not saying I’m a saint or anything – we all know I’d be the first to point out my sinful behavior, how I got there, and how I didn’t really help myself – but I do know I’m one in a handful of girls who can claim that. I’m actually worse that what you have here.

    I can at least say my indiscretions were due to learning boundaries in dating that I didn’t have a high school career of dating to learn. Something about youth ministry for my generation – they really weren’t big on teaching emotional boundaries but sure were keen on the “NO SEX” mantra.

    • Now I have to add this – the whole stay a virgin thing is grating as a single female, because the deal is, a virgin is worth shit if no one wants her.

      There is no value there. And regrettably, men on average just aren’t interested in marriage until late 20’s, early 30’s.

      That is a long, very difficult wait to wade through those alphas that just want to sleep with you and cut loose all while trying to maintain this “thing” that keeps you “valuable”.

      Now, if you can provide some insight on how to give my daughter motivation to stay “valuable” when no one wants to pay her true worth until she’s 30, please, preach on. If not, I’m going to go back to biting my nails and praying that one of the baby boys in my church will grow up man enough to see the woman I hopefully raise for what she’s worth.

      • The problem here is that the whole landscape is changing, and that is making it more difficult for men and women to get married. The answers are not easy, and it may take at least a generation to arrive at an equitable framework. As of right now, the Church is a years late and millions of dollars short getting to this problem.

        Men and women are having certain expectations pressed upon them, and working those out equitably creates some significant math problems, especially when student loans and biological clocks are factored in.

        (I don’t know if you saw the report last week, but the average college graduate now has over $25,000 in student loan debt. That’s one heck of an albatross, and that’s only for 4-year degrees.)

        • i see a huge gap, too, in parents my age who have college students … who still think that having that 4 year degree is EVERYThing, and who are forcing their kids to get it regardless of the debt … b/c THEIR kid is too smart not to go to college … and you HAVE to go to college, etc etc.

          reality hasn’t caught up with the parents, yet, who are not seeing the changing landscape.

          and then the church is made up of these people who can’t or don’t see this changing reality b/c it doesn’t affect them, or so they think. “it’s not MY kid who’s having these problems, so they don’t exist” … whether it is their kid or not.

          i have to say i’m a bit surprised at the rules some of the kids’ parents in high school have thinking these rules are going to keep them ‘good’ … based on what they’re being taught at church.

          • Oh come now…leaving the church leaders to the teaching of your kids, that makes things easier.

            Besides, Heaven forbid that parents should look at the Scriptures and realize that it’s their–not Church leaders’–responsibility.

          • The problem is that parents are pushing their children to play the game according to the rules that were in play when they went to school.

            That game has fundamentally changed.

            It used to be that if you got a 4-year degree in just about anything, you could GUARANTEE yourself a decent job at a corporation, making very good money.

            That’s not the case anymore. And not only is THAT not the case, the price for the education has skyrocketed beyond all recognition.

            At my alma mater, for example, it cost $35,000 for all 5 years, and that included EVERYTHING: tuition, room and board, lab fees, SGA fees, books.

            Today, that amount won’t even buy you ONE YEAR.

            And your degree had better be in a field that is marketable, and which you can command a salary that allows you to build long-term wealth.

            If you’re a female and you have a substantial student debt load, your marriageability may have taken a hit from an angle that you weren’t expecting.

        • I don’t know if you saw the report last week, but the average college graduate now has over $25,000 in student loan debt. That’s one heck of an albatross, and that’s only for 4-year degrees.

          I graduated with $2,500 in student loan debt, a tidy sum for the early 1980’s yet only a fraction of today’s average debt load even when adjusted for inflation. It took 7 or 8 years to repay my debt; who knows how long it will take today’s students to repay theirs?

    • Don’t even get me started on “youth ministries”. That’s a whole ‘nother ballgame, and there’s much NOT to like about it.

      Even in your case, though, you would not have qualified–even remotely–as sleazy. Holding out till 22 was impressive, and it’s not like you were riding the carousel. Yes, you created some baggage for yourself, but I would not put you even close to the same league as TCF or Kate Bolick.

      My larger point, though, is with respect to the casual sex culture, which includes–at its extreme–the hookup culture.

      TCF is sort of seeing some of the consequences of her choices, but still appears largely unrepentant.

      Like I said, my gripe with her isn’t so much that she has chosen to ride the carousel–given that she is not a Christian–but rather that she has gone out of her way to promote that culture for others.

      Like I said, the really sleazy gals WANT you to do what they do SO THEY CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES.

      They don’t want to admit that they are living a lie–even though TCF admits that she faked most of her orgasms–so the more women they can get to ride that carousel, the more they can keep deluding themselves.

      • Don’t even get me started on “youth ministries”. That’s a whole ‘nother ballgame, and there’s much NOT to like about it.

        Especially when some of those youth ministers behave just as badly as their wordly counterparts. A case concerning a local evangelical church hit the papers about a year and a half ago. A former youth pastor had inappropriate relationships with several teenage girls in the group. The church let him go but otherwise mishandled the case. Somehow the senior pastor kept his job, but the church’s top lay administrator did not.

        Speaking of churches mishandling cases, C.J. Mahaney and Sovereign Grace Ministries are facing a lawsuit for allegedly covering up child sex abuse.

        http://blog.christianitytoday.com/ctliveblog/archives/2012/10/cj-mahaney-sovereign-grace-ministries-sued-for-concealing-child-sex-abuse.html

        • If they did that, I hope they get taken to the cleaners.

          I expect that you will always have predators out there.

          They will be attracted to children’s ministries for obvious reasons.

          Churches have an obligation to perform due diligence to (a) screen these types out, (b) keep children protected from them, and (c) when a bad guy gets through, deal with it decisively. That means going to the authorities, and cooperating to every extent allowed by law.

          As for youth ministers, I think the large problem is that the Church has used that position as a means to groom young ministers; i.e., it has become a low part of the proverbial corporate ladder of ministry.

          Combine that with a Church that is more concerned with numbers games, and–basically–they usually focus on getting “youth ministers” who are all hip and cool and fun, but couldn’t otherwise teach their way out of a paper bag let alone provide guidance and counsel to youth and children.

    • Something about youth ministry for my generation – they really weren’t big on teaching emotional boundaries but sure were keen on the “NO SEX” mantra.

      It wasn’t much better in my generation. Actually, we didn’t even get much of a Scriptural background on the subject, just “keep your pants zipped.” Then again, what could I expect in a youth group where we received lessons on yoga and Rev. Ike?

  3. Hmmm… your counter-example of the 24-year-old, Amir… sounds suspiciously like someone we know who got married at that age… 🙂

    • I thew in the age of 24 to indicate someone who has graduated college and is on the middle to upper end of optimal marriageability age.

      My observation is that, for the women, once they get out of college, they have about a 4-year window during which her marriageability is optimal. By that, I mean:

      (a) the good guys in her age bracket are still available;
      (b) she’s smack in the middle of her fertile years;
      (c) her attractiveness is at or near its peak, which–when combined with her youth–gives her a leg up in the competition for the good men.

      Beyond that 4-year window, here is what happens:

      (a) most of the good guys in her age bracket are now taken;
      (b) her fertility is now on the downslope;
      (c) even if she takes good care of herself, she’ll find herself competing with younger women for the marriageable men.

      And if she has any promiscuity, it will be an adverse factor.

      My point: if a gal wants to marriage and family life, the path has become harder, not easier.

      Had enough of feminism yet?

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