HT to Susan Walsh. I definitely prefer MMV (marital market value) over SMV (sexual market value). I cannot say I have an issue with most of what she has written.
As for her pointers to the ladies to “Up Your Girl Game”:
1. Achieve and maintain physical fitness.
2. Dress to flatter your body shape and use makeup to enhance your features.
3. Aim for a vibe in your appearance that says “girlfriend” rather than hookup.
4. Cultivate a friendly demeanor and pleasant personality.
5. Recognize that guys will care about your sexual history, and behave accordingly.
6. Indicate interest in a relationship to filter out cads and attract like-minded guys.
The only one I would take slight issue with is #2. I would recommend that a gal dresses casually to professionally. If she has “features”, trust me: the guys are going to notice no matter how suggestively–or not–that she dresses. We’ll notice because, well, that’s what guys do.
To her credit, Walsh does balance #2 with #3. I would summarize it like this: while it is okay to dress attractively, there is also a fine line between that and dressing like a slut. I recommend taking good care of yourself, dressing modestly–but not trashily–and being affable (#4).
#5 and 6 are huge. Listen up, ladies: Any woman–no matter her attractiveness–can get laid. Go to any frat party, and–without much effort–you’ll have at least one ride.
But here’s the thing: the men–even the good guys among us–don’t have it quite as easy. (Even the most successful PUAs–think Roissy–strike out about 70% of the time.) A good guy has to work very hard just to get a woman who is interested in him for anything.
We also know that, if you have had a substantial number of partners–the studies I’ve seen indicate that more than 5 is where things start getting bad–your chances of being good marriage material start dropping like a paratrooper with a faulty chute and no reserve.
The men know this.
This is why Christian guys–generally a forgiving lot–aren’t going to be enamored with the prospect of dating a Sigma Chi Gangbang Champion. While everyone–even a virgin–is going to have some sexual baggage (in our pornified society, it’s darn-near impossible NOT to), the guys are looking for a “keeper”.
Call me what you want to call me, but a high number of partners does not say “keeper”.
So ladies, in this marathon called life, please think twice before you drink of the sex-positive cup that the feministas are handing you.
The naked truth is this: they are a pathetic, miserable herd of rabid jackals who wish to make you as miserable as they are.
“The only one I would take slight issue with is #2. I would recommend that a gal dresses casually to professionally. If she has “features”, trust me: the guys are going to notice no matter how suggestively–or not–that she dresses. We’ll notice because, well, that’s what guys do.”
“2. Dress to flatter your body shape and use makeup to enhance your features.”
i think this is less what you’re perceiving and more that a woman learn what looks good on her and what doesn’t … and that she learn how to wear make up that looks good on her. for some of us, design and fashion are natural … for others of us, design and fashion are foreign. just b/c a color or style is trendy (not slutty), does not mean it looks good on all body types. personally, i’m great with make up and hair, but i’m terrible at clothes – mostly b/c i hate shopping. i hate trying to find clothes that fit my body shape best (not to enhance what i have so much as to look the best i can with what i’ve got). it’s exasperating to me. those who look great in clothes are usually those who love to shop and who are willing to try on tons of clothes – that’s just dread to me.
it’s basically doing the best you can learn to do with what God’s given you. it’s not selling your features, it’s accomodating them. does that make sense (to a man?)
truly … it’s not fair that a man can generally put on a pair of jeans and a t shirt and look great. grrr.
^What AME said.
180 lbs dressed properly doesn’t actually look fat.
Avoid too-tight jeans than annunciate muffin tops would be a GREAT example, there.
And professionally, from what I saw in my working days at LM, can border on the slutty and certainly falls in realm of discomfiture.
As TLC’s What Not To Wear likes to point out – you don’t need to dress provocatively to look good and you don’t have to be uncomfortable to dress attractively.
Pretty much, don’t wear a pencil skirt when you have baby-carrying hips and thighs that would make a body-builder jealous.
When I was at EDS, everyone had to dress conservatively: men had to wear suit and tie; women had to wear very professional attire.
Any gal who dressed sluttily would have been sent home and told to come back wearing proper attire.
That never happened at my account, but a friend of mine at another accounts saw this happen a couple times.
But that was in the early 1990s. Old school.
What’s most important to me is that a woman demonstrates she cares about her appearance, regardless of her “features,” body type, etc.
I’m over 50 and fully expect a woman my age will have some physical imperfections. I sure do: I went bald early in life; my beard now has plenty of gray; I struggle with my weight, etc. However, I try to present myself neatly even when dressed casually.
I’d change “girlfriend” to “wife”, but that’s pretty much it.
Girlfriends are still expected to put out, but to at least be in a relationship before doing so.
Girls aiming to be “wives” seem to be treated rather well by the populace of men even if the guys aren’t interested. At least I was. I came across one true cad before marriage – reaching college as a virgin actually had more guys respecting me and honoring it than anything else.
And aiming for wife status should also come with an understanding that that might mean little to no dating until you are around men interested in marriage. That’s a hard pill to swallow for 13-22 year olds.
With talk of a sixteen trillion dollar debt ceiling, and even more horrifying reality the ‘guys don’t have quite so easy’ issue is paramount. I’m in my forties and have been single all my life, a couple of ‘close shaves’ as it were but no one night stands and certainly no prostitutes.
It has not been easy, far from it, but I’m very stubborn there a lines I just won’t cross which is bewildering for me because I’ve witnessed me crossing them as something like part and parcel with life, this is outrageous.
Bottom line: To quote Pride and Prejudice
Jane:
“We must not expect a lively young man to be always so guarded and circumspect. It is very often nothing but our own vanity that deceives us. Women fancy admiration [SMV] means more than it does.”
Elizabeth:
“And men take care that they should.”
Quite, and by and large they could get away with it, and I’m not talking about mere lapses of circumspection. It was never right but nowadays, in the west, women can play this sordid game with impunity. Were we really so naive as to think they would cling to the ideal of, say, Jane and Elizabeth Bennett, or Elinor Dashwood, mortified at the prospect of being more like Lydia Bennett or, worse, the cynical, calculating, manipulative Mary Crawford?
I know SMV when I see it and even from very young this raised alarm bells. Men must, absolutely must, always be respectfully challenging women to subordinate their SMV to their MMV (ghastly terms). The stakes are *very* high.
And women must acknowledge the problem of internet pornography, which along with promiscuity are the great and universal cause of the corruption of the moral sentiments. To pretend not to understand this… To parade yourselves as female Bonobo’s with inflamed genitalia is reprehensible. You absolutely know what effect you have on the average male.
I’ve witnessed ‘men’ crossing…