Sooo, it’s Valentine’s Day! So Happy Valentine’s Day.
From the divorce on, holidays became blah. They get a little better each year – I’m trying not to be such a Scrooge!
My girls love this day because there’s chocolate. My Oldest gave me a hug and wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day. I told my Youngest she was my Valentine, and I got the, “Oh, gross, Mom! I’m fourteen!” Whatever. She will still take candy if I get it for her, and she’ll agree to being my Valentine if it’s a requirement to actually get the candy.
Youngest and I talked about her friend, Catie, from our old town this morning. I told her Catie’s mom is engaged; Catie’s dad died several years ago. My daughter said, “I hope he’s good to her.” Then she said, “I can kinda relate; I don’t have much of a dad, either. He sends me cards, and I talk to him from time-to-time, but that’s about it. He’s not much of a daddy.” We talked about my husband some and his role as her step dad … and how he doesn’t want to be anything to them that they don’t want. “I know,” she said, “that’s why I like him so much.” A man who cares more about things being done his way … and a man who cares more about what the kids need. Harsh, daily, comparison. The sad but healthy thing about it is that she was rather matter-of-fact about it all. She’s worked really hard on all this stuff, and I am so thankful she’s in a good place. We work hard to honor her father, to point out his strengths and his good points, to give them a dad they can love. And to also teach and model forgiveness.
One of Oldest’s BFF’s is coming over to spend the night tonight. Sadly, she has a very bad dad. My daughter is very protective of her friend and wants to kidnap her and not let her go back, but, alas, reality is a hard thing to face sometimes. The interesting thing, although truly sad, is that both she and I have been given a window into what it would have looked like if her dad had never left. My daughter has become thankful for the divorce – not in a jump-up-and-down-let’s-throw-a-party kind of way, but in a grateful to God kind of way … grateful to God that He protected us from so much bad stuff. Me, too.
My girls are my Valentines. I am so proud of them and eternally grateful for them. I have prayed over them since before they were born. I have prayed that God would raise me up to be and become the Mommy the each needed/needs me to be and become just for them. I can truly say that this has often not been what I would have thought it would be. But I can also say God is faithful. My girls are 16 and 14, and they are incredible young ladies. They have hearts of gold. They have amazing personalities. They are developing strong character and integrity. And they know how to love … and they express their love to me every day.
Long before their age I had stopped showing any kind of affection to my parents – it was not comfortable. I honestly cannot remember any affection with my parents growing up. So when my girls come up to me and hug me and tell me they love me and tell me I’m the best mom in the world, I want to cry (but since they hate it when I cry, I don’t!). I fall at the feet of Jesus in deep gratitude that I am becoming the Mom that I always wanted to have when I was growing up … and still wish I had today.
God is good. I am blessed. I am loved. So I will not be a Scrooge today. My girls, and my amazing husband, will be very grateful.