Does God Create Division in a Marriage?

“I came to send fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled!  

But I have a baptism to be baptized with, and how distressed I am till it is accomplished! 

Do you suppose that I came to give peace on earth?

I tell you, not at all, but rather division. 

For from now on five in one house will be divided:

three against two, and two against three. 

Father will be divided against son and son against father,

mother against daughter and daughter against mother,

mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law

and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.”

Luke 12:49-53

I was reading this to my daughter the other day, and it struck me that the one major family relationship not mentioned is Husband against Wife and Wife against Husband. That got me pondering as to why this is because I do not believe it was an accident that it was omitted.

Remember when God created marriage in Genesis:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

And then in Matthew 19, Jesus says:

And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning‘made them male and female,’  and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:4-6

When God joins a man and a woman in marriage ~

which I believe God does supernaturally when a virgin woman has sexual intercourse with a man and therefore a woman is married to the man who gets her virginity at the moment he gets it, regardless of any civil or religious ceremonies that have or have not taken place or will or will not take place before or after ~

When God joins a man and a woman in marriage ~ God does not separate them, nor does God create division between a man and his wife or a wife and her husband.

And if her husband is an unbeliever?

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,  when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.  I Peter 3:1-2

No where does it say a Christian woman is to leave her husband if he is an unbeliever. Because her husband is the man who got her virginity … because God supernaturally married them when the man had intercourse with the virgin woman and made them one.

There is one place where a caveat is given for a Christian woman to depart from her husband. If there is reason for a Christian woman to leave her husband – I would place abuse in this category – then she is to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband if it becomes safe for her to do so. Other than that, a Believer is not to leave their marriage.

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: 

A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.

And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 

But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.  

And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.  

But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. 

But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? I Corinthians 7:10-16

13 thoughts on “Does God Create Division in a Marriage?

  1. i have had a very traditional baptist lady tell me that I could not remarry because I had divorced my wife (at two years into our separation and her affair, her intention stated to me was to marry the fellow). But because I had set the legal machine in motion, I was sinning (in the eyes of this baptist).

    • But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases.

      it could be argued that she was (is?) an unbeliever. you cannot make them stay. this argument has been stated regarding my ex.

      Matthew 7:21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’

      at least one of my girls has brought up this possibility with their dad over the last four years. the way i presented it to them was that only God knows the heart of a person, so we’ll choose to believe Daddy is in heaven because once we get to heaven and find out the truth, it won’t matter anyway. but finishing growing up and living their lives thinking their Daddy is in hell would be too much for them, imo, so we choose to believe he’s in heaven. is he? idk. his life as lived before us was certainly inconsistent. a friend once said to me, “Did you ever think that the spirit in him warred against the spirit in you?” very heavy, solemn stuff to think about. i try not to too often b/c there’s nothin i can do now. but it certainly makes sense when i look back on many of the things that happened.

      • These kinds of cases should provide substantial pause to all who confess Jesus.

        I’m not in the camp that suggests that you lose your salvation every time you so much as have a lustful thought–all men (and probably most women) would be hosed if that were the case–but there is enough in Scripture to make a strong case against any sort of presumption about one’s own salvation.

        As for your ex, I cannot answer for him good or bad. On one hand, salvation is easy to receive; at the same time, many who think they’ve received it are wolves and imposters.

        Was he for real–albeit with very grievous flaws–or was he a phony whose marital failings were the evidence of said phoniness? The answer to that is many layers above my pay grade.

        His case, however, should serve as a warning:

        (1) We all are going to walk through that same door one day;

        (2) We are all going to have to give an account for our lives;

        (3) The one to whom we must answer is the King of the Universe, and He owes us nothing. He’s God and I’m not.

        At 51, I’m now older than your ex was when he died. And as I train for an upcoming Ironman triathlon, I find Uncle Arthur (Arthur-ITIS, that is) reminding me of my age. That degenerative condition that put me on a ten-year hiatus from marathoning is always a reminder that I’m not getting any younger.

        It’s not just the lower back: it’s the neck, it’s the middle back, it’s the lower back, and it’s now the hips. Oh, and also the rotator cuffs on both shoulders. I can’t imagine how bad it would be if I WASN’T in shape!

        I’ve joked around about living to be 114, so MrsLarijani and I could be centenarians together. And while that would be nice–as Abigail would be 64 when I pass–the smart money says I’m probably closer to my end than I am to the beginning.

        I remarked to MrsLarijani the other day: “I feel like I’m 18 going on 90.”

        But at 51, I find myself thinking of things that weren’t on my radar at 18. The aging process reminds you that you have a reckoning that is definite. And while the Calvinist doctrine of Perseverance of the Saints is probably spot-on, the Scriptures are rife with warning to examine yourself and not be complacent. That’s because you can become complacent–just as the Pharisees of Jesus’ day were–about your standing before God.

        And that is NOT what you want to be as you approach that time of reckoning.

        I want to cross the finish line and not get a DQ.

        • ‘body things’ after 50. U.G.H. i’m sooo done. if i didn’t need and want to live for my girls as long as possible, i’d ask God to call in my number! 🙂

        • 51? You’re a youngster, at least compared to me. I’ll be 60 in less than a year and a half. And I hear you about the aches and pains as well as other medical issues. I get one of my periodic blood tests a week from today, meet a specialist the following Monday to discuss the results, and then see another specialist later in the week. I’ll discuss plenty of pain issues with the second specialist.

          Want to have a sobering experience which makes you reexamine a lot of things? Find what turns out to be a dead body, something that happened to me 16 months ago when I discovered one of my housemates cold and unresponsive. Even more sobering? He wasn’t even what we consider retirement age yet, although he’d been retired on disability for a few years. He professed to be a Christian, yet some parts of his walk didn’t add up to his talk. Then again, I’m sure the same could be said of me in a few areas. Ouch, and Kyrie eleison.

    • also, i believe God has different standards for men and women, that we are not equal, and that He has different standards for husbands and wives.

      • Depends on what you mean by “equal”.

        In terms of standing before God, we’re equal. You have the same access to God that I have, you are going to be judged by the same standard that I will be, your road to salvation is the same as mine, your redeemer is the same as mine. Your husband cannot–and thankfully does not have to–atone for your sins, although I have had pastors [wrongly] INSIST that husbands “redeem” their wives.

        At the same time, marriages are not egalitarian. While there is a call to mutual subjection to one another, the particulars are delineated differently for husbands and wives.

        That is not to say that, as a couple fleshes it out, that it won’t be close to egalitarian in the way it plays out–I think of the husband as a Captain and the wife as a First Sergeant.

        Non-commissioned officers often know more than commissioned officers; a First Sergeant–especially one who has a Ranger Tab and/or a combat tour or three–is going to have a lot more experience and knowledge than the newly-commissioned Second Lieutenant who outranks him.

        If the 2LT has any sense, he will listen to his NCOs–especially the ones with the bona fides–and take their advice seriously. He may even delegate many things to those NCOs rather than try to control everything himself. At the end of the day, though, he outranks the NCO, and he is responsible for things that happen as a result of his command decisions.

        • yes, we are equal when we stand before God.

          our roles on this earth, however, are not equal.

          a wise leader recognizes the strengths and weakness of those under him and leads accordingly.

        • ”While there is a call to mutual subjection to one another, the particulars are delineated differently for husbands and wives. ”

          You may find this interesting:

          If it is the true doctrine its has been used to nullify husband headship unfortunately.

          ”In terms of standing before God, we’re equal. You have the same access to God that I have, you are going to be judged by the same standard that I will be, your road to salvation is the same as mine, your redeemer is the same as mine.”

          I think Jesus also taught the parable of the talents which is unequal by nature. So God did create people unequal and subsequently give them each different responsibilities as a result.

          He that is given more more is demanded. A person who suffers from mental illness for example or down syndrome on this planet I would think would be more leniently treated by God than someone who has full use of his faculties.

          The net effect of course is that it all balances out. And of course God shows no partiality.

          In regards to salvation there is definitely equality. But in regards to reward no so much I think.

        • Apologies for spamming. It didn’t seem to show up on my other browser. Please disregard my previous 2 comments.

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