I’m going to come back to this in a few days when I have more time, but I heard a comment from a very conservative couple with children recently that has resonated with discord in my being since. They said something like, “We don’t want our children to make the same mistakes we did.” It’s parenting from the negative.
One of the things that struck me about this comment is that this couple was HAPPY and had been happily married, according to what they were projecting.
One of the things that bothers me about this comment is that when we prevent our children from making mistakes, we prevent their ability to learn from their mistakes. We also prevent them from developing the ability to make choices while thinking through to the consequences of those choices from experience.
Anyway … in a sense, I think this is one of the ways some people in the church do things. They don’t want singles having sex, so they tell them not to date. It’s from the negative.
I have more to say about this stuff … but I’m interested in any feedback you might have off the top of your head. Would you rather be taught how to do something from the positive – drawing you to be and become what is best for you … or from the negative – trying to keep you from being or becoming something unwanted? Which philosophy do you think would be more effective for your personality?
I am very much in tune with what you are saying. I have a literary project I keep **** around with, a novel, about a mission group that trains young men. What sets it apart is that it teaches them to look after each other (there is a kind of “boot camp”) and it lets them make certain kinds of mistakes; but also has competent leadership that looks after them and loves them sacrificially. If we want real godly Men we have to let the Man form His works in them. That means loving these guys and giving them the opportunities and tools.
I am very interested to hear what else you have to say about this Ame. From the positive would be more effective for me for sure. Wonder if that is because I tend to be far more optimistic than pessimistic?
I think every generation has done that. We don’t want to discipline harshly, so now we have out of control kids; we grew up in poverty, so we give them everything they want; the last generation stayed together for the long haul through bad relationships, so we don’t put up with anything at all and get divorced sometimes without trying to work things out; the last generation was sexually repressed, so we are now indecent; the last generation didn’t speak out, so now we have swearing and coarse talk on public radio…
etc, etc, etc.
we are so confused!!